The Peeling Away

Space,
Breathe me peace!
Reach in and heal the parts of me
Rot and stained- the parts they touched..
The parts they squeezed...
Bruised, til they'd bleed...

The parts they seem to have take from me.
I can not begin to peel away in words
The betrayed of being loved
In the way my sickness must have allowed.
Peeling away,
All the times, I'd been on my knees
Or left alone in pain,
Words thrown like glass during hurricanes.
All the times,
I'd stretched my being
To include them...
Then...
Malice putting her hands on me,
Forcing me into corners with words,
I couldn't get away from.

Twisting...
Twisting love,
Like intestines bleeding...
Pretending,
Me believing...

Then gripping me,
Til I'd stop breathing.

How,
Do u forgive yourself,
For believing
THAT
Could ever have been love...?

Some days,
That girl,
Still stuck in her grip on the bed,
Only black in the eyes of the woman who said
She would Wed me.
As she takes the breath & life,
From my being,
And I flail,
Ready,
To face death.

How...
Can one reverse
The sickness it takes
To let yourself be loved
Like that?
Dripping with tragedy's sweat,
Blood,
Her tears of love,
Raining down.

I can not begin to peel away,
The layers it takes,
To bury a girl
In her sickness...

Nor how she
Would wear it so as to continue to be loved
By those that would twist knives in her...
Almost,
Enjoying,
The show.

I am no show...

But I am.
And I can not begin to fathom the layers it takes
To bury my hand.
Me.
So deep. So dirty.
Alive but lifeless at the bottom of a feat..
Deep.
With all the cuts and wounds they left in me...
Eyes blank with "check-out",
Tears permanently laid to lids...
Staring...
Fathoming underneathe,
How I got here.
How I could let them
Bury me...
Kill me..
While they said they loved me.

And I hate you, Man!
I hate you!...
As I hate her...
And all she bled from me...
Took from me,life-force cut and left
For demon's sake...

The only thing that rises me...
Returns me to my state...

Is knowing, I can not let
Those nasty demons win...

They have been trying to take me my entire childhood...
And have..
And have...

But it is in The End, I
WILL NOT
Let them win!
For they
Have taken too much from me already...
My heart, chunks and chunks of my Soul...
And you had better bet,
Shiva
Wants them back!
So...
I process the wrath..
And peel the layers...
Attempting to fathom
Demonic states...

And I take the Space,
And breath in Peace,
As I return once more, Home...

Chanting...
Chanting...

For you, My Lord.

Asatomaa sad gamaya
Tamaso maa jyotir gamaya
Mrityormaa amritaam gamaya
Om shanti shanti shantihi...

"Lead me from the unreal to the Real", my Heaven.
"Lead me from the darkness into the Light"
"Lead me from death", My God, "to immortality"
Save and blanket me
In your Peace!

As I journey, My God...
Back home,
To
You...