Where He Left a Seed

I don't "like" feeling "things" for you.
But only because
You and I
Don't seem to me to make logical sense.

Don't always like this pull,
But I do..
Because it is entrancing..
I don't,
Because you feel dangerous.

Bending,
Like a young tree,
I am unwilling to snap.
Unwilling to break it...
Because you belong to me.
Somehow,
As I would claim it.

I don't want to love you,
But I want to,
Because there is something about your essence I long to hold,
Though by now, I've hardly a taste;
I know this, as you also make known..

But what is it in you, that gently penetrates,
And communicates,
Over distance and through space?
I am still..
Figuring
You..
Not always wanting to..
Having been denied and pushed away, I, my signs to the eye,
Telling me to put you down,
My Signs by THE EYE,
Telling me to embrace you, love you...
But not to get scorched
By your fires this day...
For it IS a day of Hell in your worlds..

And what of it do I belong?
Why am I here?
Accept to love you?..

Why am I here,
Accept to love you?

Trying not to, already do..
In your fragments...bits and pieces..
But yes, IT IS YOU, I do..

Not the illusion, or grandiose, no
As your worst is the most I've seen..
So why do I? Indeed..love you?!
Except that I do?
Why in my mind do I hold your soft cheek,
And just want to kiss, kiss your forehead, all the while you pushing me?
Standing as a Queen in Love,
But as a foolish mess of a girl when I can't keep up the stream?
It takes energy to be "On High" all the time..
And sometimes I just need to rest my feet.
Yes,
I wish it were you who'd want to carry me those days..
But why?
All the while,
Why you?
And the read baffles me. Telling me one thing so deep,
But I want to listen to you, as you push me,
Away,
And say,
With cruelty,
The things
You
Just say.
Joking...only partially.
Testing...
Wading through..
And I've watched the games get the best of you,
Because I am not them, Dear Love..
And I will never be.

And tell me...IS IT..just my imagining?
AM I crazy?

Or are you stirring, like I feel you?
Sides split, one half your protector
That would liquidate any threat to you by way of Apathy..

But what about you?
You know...him?

knowing the moment I ask you, it ques the Protector...the killer..the "I don't care"..
Knowing..
Seeing you..

But is it my imagining?
That I got stuck in there too?

Because I keep feeling you..
Wanting to let you go, but not..

And the time, I can take..
The wait..sure..
The destruction waves..
Can't..
Shouldn't..
Don't want to..

And I know you are better than this.
Willing to let time and space heal you..
Willing to let you go..

Though I never wanted to..
And I'm learning to..
And I thank you..

Hanging...

Can't tell...

But I love you..don't always want to..
But love to..

There's something you should know about me..
I do not fear to Love.
Do not fear to tell..
And hardly contain my love against any man..
So I spill to you my voice and words,
As YOU are my friend, though hardly by what you've shown..
Though perhaps I am not yours, My Love..
I may never know;

Releasing you..
I try..
Not getting too far..
Releasing of a different kind..

You've really managed your way into my heart,
And as I've dug to get you out..
Still,
There you are..

And I don't really know much what to do, my mental mind,
But my intuitive knows to just give you time.
It is okay
I know now..
That I love you the way I do..

Never having to apologize for that.

And just trying to release you,
As by way, you show, you want me to,
Need me to..

And I will in my own way..

But for whatever reason,
Your stay, long here..
In my heart space..
Baffled. Like a child. You've had me from the get-go.

And I'm just trying to do as you say now.
Release you, let you go.

And I will protect you in my own way..
Perhaps some day soon enough..
Finding a way still..
To let you go..

But as this day goes on,
And even then, the Healer in me grows..
I refuse to give you up.
But you must feed a me,
Before I wither away to you.

Or if that is what you want,
I shall.
And it will make me happy,
Because you will have peace.

That is how much I love you..
Am drawn to you..
And am willing
To never know.
It doesn't matter..
Because for a moment, mere, in time..
I had you.
Seconds,
Fragments,
But it was like life-times.

And I know I am intense..
And I come from another time,
And speak a language unique..

But I love you..
And a love like mine, lasts many lifetimes..
Never having to even have had me..
Because I don't need you to love me back,
To see your heart, My King.

I don't know if it is ever likely
You will be
What I see..

I, out of the picture and aside..
But I hope,
And heal with fervor..
So that
You may be!

I really
Just want you
To be happy..

But it really
Isn't all up
To me.

And so, from afar,
I hold your imagined cheek..
Soft your love and lips..
Long to be the hand to your face, My Love..
And to take away all walls...your ways..

Only Love here..

But I, not always a foolish girl..
I see I trigger you
Left and right..
You not used to,
A Creature like me..

Not a creature like me..

And no, I am no fool to this..
I having always seen..

But it never stopped me..
And I want to apologize
And I don't.
And I want to run
And I don't.
And I wanted to Hate you,
And I don't.
And I want to believe you,
And I don't.
But I do want to know you!
Not the cruelty or the lies.
Not the face for disguise.
Not the words cunningly chucked because your mad somehow..

I want your softer side!
The one that you say is there..
That THEY say is there,
That I KNOW is there..

But I, so foolish in read,
Don't know anymore with you.

Can't say if ANY gentleness is true..

And even then, STILL, I promise I love you..
But that's the problem, now..
Isn't it?
Scared of what LOVE can do?
No, don't return it if you don't want to..
But honesty, integrity,
Can make a man out of you!
No, don't return it if you don't want to,
But speak to me with love and honor,
And watch me bend to you!
I assure you,
I am maleable..
Going where I am needed, wanted..
But if you but just speak to me..
From the heart..
I know it's hard..
I will honor you..
Be as you need-
Anything to you: Absence.
Love.
Passion.
Strength.
A friend.
A sister.
Gone.

But to just honor me..
Was all I ever asked.
And while I do not feel that you have, friend of mine..

I still, honor you.
Loving you.
Willing.
To be
ANYthing
You need..

It's just without the Honor..
I don't so much want to..
But it's not that easy..

Your heart
Already dropped it's seed.

And if I rip this blossom out, too young to tell if it's flower or weed..

I will kill
Young life..

So instead,
I sit..
With what you've planted in me..

And I wait,
Holding the space,
That one day, in whatever way,
You will at least come back around to give me the respect that NOT I need..

But that
I WANT
From you.
Loving you.
Wishing THAT only..
So it can feel right.

Just that!
Respect!
All I ever really wanted from you..
Loving you;

And LOVE
Always deserves
The most cherished honor..

For it is
The Most Sacred Seed..