The Rabbit Hole

Dear mother...

No,
I am not picking up the phone.
I said what I had to say.
You will never see this.

Just as I have never gotten to see you.
You, beyond every painful thing you still do, to this day.

I am thankful,
You made me. Gave me something to strive against
And to strive towards...

But I am also sick in the gut,
Making it up to you,
With my blood,
And my life..
My energy,
And all the fears that whirl around in me,
Like Hell's mass and demons,
From a life you taught me to live and fear.

So here,
I am...
Breathing peace.
Not ready to listen to your stories...
Not needing a mother anymore,
Or a parent who's just going to hurt me...
And keep, not seeing me.

My little girl,
Would be my everything.
Backed, and supported,
Though suspended when I felt it necessary.

I will never love her,
Or him,
The way I was loved with the label of "parenting"...

My love is world's away,
In a different realm,
And I can see her face now-
My Twillight.
My Dawn.
My Sura.

She will know Mommy loves her...
And we will know respect even in a chaotic sea between her and me...

And I...
Do not need to pick up the phone to you,
My enemy..
And taker...
Taker,
Of my everything, so accidentally...

You will never see this, gladly..

I love him...
You do not understand the meaning of this.
You do not see, or know me...
Though I know that past the pain,
You are indeed so proud of what u can fathom.
Proud beyond the victim in you that takes me down to play your debut;
Me- The bad guy...
Still bleeding on the floor when it comes to loving,
Having been taught the most how to love
By you-
Witch of Melancholy...

Even WHAT I SEE,
Is but not 1%...

But so then,
Imagine they.

Almost can't.

For in this world, it would seem,
That I am the one that's Awake...
One of some of many...

But most,
Still abiding
By the dream...

And even what I see,
1%...
Not really...

And I'm just trying to get used,
To fitting these shoes..

Brand new,
Perfect- That sexy, mixed with the Eclectic, subtly hinting of Mystic...
But still tight, the squeeze...
Still rubbing the skin..
Still getting these shoes,
(New Face)
To fit in...

And so no...
I'm not picking up the phone today..
You distances far away,
From the place you've had here.

Show me!

Because I'm done here...
Today...
In peace...
Where it's just better that you're not here...

Because here I can breathe.
I can actually,
Factually...
Feel the air...

The oxygen into my heart.
My mind.
My Space-Piece

My Soul,
Like emerging. Oneness. No worries....

And I know it is fleeting...

But it's also a single moment of "knowing"..

Knowing as we hone in on moments,
More paid attention to-
More breathed through..

Sitting...
Atop my Tree.
Cosmos & Me...
And all the Love there is...

Tapping into
Every him and her,
Every cherished moment...

Not one, but all souls...
And me and The Divine...

One Infinite Cosmic Orgy...
From within.
At any given...
Ruptured, raptured moment...
Every Goddess,
Every Saint, and Animal...

One Cosmic Orgy,
When I take myself away...

From this Earth.

These Shoes...
Like Dorthy's Gift before The Storm...

Alice trailing behind.
And Psychedelics or mere Imagining...

Taking the soul
Out, once more.

Out.

There's no phone reception here,
In The rabbit Hole.