Oblivion

Mmmm!
I got through today.
Through my anger, sadness, guilt..
Through my blame.
Inside me now,
Even as tears well,
Is the light THEY
Want me to feel,
And remember again.

As I take, day after day,
Moment by moment..
And soak in, what I have left myself,
I see there is loneliness still-
That haunting dark abyss that used to drive my life..
My sadness..
My chaos..
But this day,
And after all this;
This year, AND,
This Life..
It is a small drop
In a very vast pond.

Nobody WANTS to be Angry..
But sometimes,
We just are.
Relationships fail.
It hurts. Even kills..
And we all..
Sometimes,
Just take,
That it's easier to blame.

I...
Don't want to be Angry.
I have hurt,
And said things,
And blamed.
And I
Have been wrong in doing so.
No-longer needing an apology..
Perhaps rather,
Just my own.

It may be hard,
That the outer world,
Is not always so quick to see.
So quick to know..
So quick to understand,
And therefore,
Lend that Compassion..

But I see now,
How I can not expect them too.
An ancient proverb reminds us,
That is is not the job of others to help us love ourselves...
That is our job,
And our job alone.

Should I even reach out my love,
I have seen, it goes not understood for what it is, so no,
I suppose by now,
There is no use in apologies..
Even, if I am sorry.
It is "the sorry" in me,
That loves beyond human form..
Loving beyond nasty words we wish we could take back..
Or what's worse...
Nasty thoughts...

I did not mean
To hurt.
And so I apologize to me,
That I may forgive now.
And move on.

They will or won't know me;
My Sorry...
Just as much,
They will or won't
Know their own.
In the cycle of everything-
Love, and Death, and Life, and Time...
This part of it all, is okay.

I did not mean to snap or be angry today.
Words I wrote, to release, going unposted now, but needed, ever-so...
To get over that river in the road.
And now...
After the anger, sadness, hurt, and blame...
For now mostly gone away...
I see only love now.
This moment, window, out of time..
Forgiving
And Loving
Into Oblivion