Crying and Trying

So confused.
Up and down.
Hot and cold.
In and out.
Force myself to the kitchen.
Drag myself out.
Force myself to the food...
Thinking half a day.
Waiting for the pain to subside,
So it won't hurt so much to make.

Sweating til I'm cold,
Hot til it's off...
Back pain and neck shouting..
Killing me
In and out...

Anything I'll do.
Keep this pain but down...

Knowing I need food,
Getting close to forcing it now.

Almost there.
The snack subdued.
Almost there.
Trying to nurture the best the pain will allow me to.
Outstretched,
This is all I know how to do...
When the pain becomes despair..

So I break here,
And I break there...

Anything to make,
The pain just a little less there.
A little better to bare...

A little less there.
Forcing water down.
And keeping the bad stuff away, save for the pills, I couldn't take it today...

Another day.
Anything to take
A little bit of it away...

Head struck.
Sharpness stuck.
Anything.
Anything.
To subdue this pain.

Anything...
Can't
Subdue

This pain, oh yet, of course
Another day