Double-Edged Mirror

Closing my eyes,
I see a hue of blue through dripping lenses.
She, the color, is Universal-
The kind a blue, you look upon galaxies...
And admire the spark, of their dust.

There is nothing I can do to reach out to you...
Nothing I have ever been able to do,
In forcing not just love,
But also,
A certain kind of.

Uttering "I love you", in my heart,
And I feel how those words ring my temple so, sounding throughout,
As though a Gong, awaking mass.
When I utter, such heart space,
Those words, suddenly don't seem so small
Or trivial- how they say saying them,
Doesn't do the feeling justice at all...

But, they do...
As I sound those three words for you.
They move me...and yet, how so I am at peace..
Distraught (maybe) underneath..
And so many whirlwinds of things, ...
But overall...
Peace..
For now.

You left. Both of you.
And I smile, seeing the silliness,
And then the dark sadness,
That in seconds,
Brings showers...

But never taking the beauty away.

I realized today...
How..
There was this boy,
Who maybe had been taught...
Starting with dear Old Mom..
That a woman could never be trusted.
I knew a girl who thought so too.
And they left. The both of them.
And that's when I realized,
How dangerous I had always looked..
In particular...
A "creature like me"...
Particularly,

A creature like me.
You,
Of all people know, my Love..
That our outward appearance is a clever disguise...
You...
Of all people,
Though still choosing, feeling,
To fear me so.

Sweet Soul,
Who needed to be scooped up and shown a better life..
A way to love..
A way
To know
Love in Family.

I
Never knew
Love in family...
Until my Father came to a perfectly failed rescue...
Not failed at all,
But perfectly unrescued I was..
Accept but by the love
Family would show and grow
Over what has somehow become 12 years now.
Love is time.
It is also respect. Honor...
And in my opinion, something few ever truly experience
For our love, down here..
Is ever so shaded in gray.

I do
Have the highest standards..
I can see this now.
In the sense that potential is the volumes by which many will never reach.
Most, won't even strive for.

I do
What's hard,
Loving the enemy..
Loving the friend..
Loving the insane..
Turning the other cheek,
Apologizing in vain...

I can't even stand to do to them what they have done to me,
Without collapsing in guilt,
And apologizing in vain.
I do, what's hard,
Knowing LOVE,
By a whole different name.

Did you ever stop to think,
That you can not have love without God?!

The bible had at least that much correct.
You can not have love without God.
God
Is
Love...

And so, conclusively quite,

Love
Is
God

You can not have one without the other, nor seperate them.

The ones I have loved,
Have almost loathed themselves..
If not,
Most certainly have..

You can not
Have Love,
Without God...

Nor most certainly,
God...
Without
Love.

(Falling asleep)...to be continued..