Teacher's Price

I've been falling asleep a lot lately,
In my clothes.
Been falling asleep, more often,
So exhausted I leave the lights on.
I'm fighting with myself not to have a bowl this morning..
Don't know why it's so hard.

I did however, slow down, so much
On coffee,
Alcohol..
No cigarettes now..
No cigs.

I take more time out for Genki...
House duties.
But I've been falling asleep in my clothes,
So tired.

Been sick, so sick, so stricken,
My heart was stricken,
So sad, my heart,
Was rot...
And I...
Gone cold somewhere inside...
Like the death of something to live for.

Same token,
Steels me, something
To live for..

As It is not them anymore,
I wish to worship,
Or make my God.
Not him anymore.
Not they.

And I have been falling asleep in my clothes lately..
The sick in me wearing away the stamina...
So I thrive to meet the days expectations before collapsing solo,
So Solo,
Into my bed,
Without the fantasy of "his" arms,
Or their arms,
To support me to sleep.

I support myself.
I pull the dagger out with my own hands,
Tie off the wounds with my own loss of strength...
Keep going.
Collapsing to rest,
After mending my own wounds...
After lending their lessons over for sale,
To many who will not know the price I paid to teach them that.
To teach them anything.

Collapsing Solo...
Until tomorrow...
Until the winds (always) change.