Sowing Gold

I am just so grateful to you right now.
So grateful...
And I know this sounds backhanded...
But I mean it most compassionately,
When I confess,
That I am just so grateful to you...
That you have been as despicable to me this day...
As the many days I endured the burden of caring about you.
You...
Have ripped my heart out...
And I found myself finally,
After a year's long wait...and pain;
Admiration, fantasy, lost notions...
That after a year of that...

I put my heart,
Back in my chest...
And sowed it shut, yesterday.
Sowed it up...
Bare hands and me.

And I suppose...
This is why I am grateful to you.
You...
Gave me the gift....
Of retrieving something you truly stole.
Truly stole.
Oh yes indeed, that "thief in the night"
-a golden allegory.

In the mean time...
You taught me a lot, but it was rarely from what you said.
So I'll take the credit...
From alchemizing this toxicity, Sweet,
Into a Gold I surely have used.

I

Am a Golden Girl...
But throw any girl to a beast,
And the beast will not question her worth.
Her worth, to the beast,
In only in the food,
He will wrangle out of it.

She is not someone who will change the world to him.
Nor a Hellcat of a perrrrrrrfect catch.
Nor a mother with all nurturing bones to the world...

To him...
She is Food.

And THAT
Is why I am grateful to you.

You have finally given me the space...
To walk away.
Without consumption.

And so I do.
And I thank you Beast...
For having
Any kind of heart at all.