Well, so...
I guess here it goes.
Some more truth for soul. And telling.
I am so tired lately. Like this last week. Like worst than exhaust. And I question if it is withdrawal from a haulted daily use of marijuana, or if it is mercury in it's retrograde.
The antsy-ness had started to plug away at me, right as Spring entered it's season according to The Tao. And sure enough, anxiety is a related emotion to Spring.
I am sitting on mountains of projects and new beginnings...
Waiting...
Because most of them, My books, my writing, my music, my website, my marketing...all take the computer I am saving up for.
Of course as I pay of debt, I get the opportunity to complete my Reiki education at random..by the end of march... Which my god, what a blessing..and fucking THANK YOU...but...it is a quick and unexpected few hundred going out.
I surrender really. Bought the tablet and as soon as my phone bill is secured this week, hope to have Internet up and running through that. Hope to start a little bit on the things I'm held off on.
It's amplified, the last few days, the feeling of waiting for my new life to begin.
Of course, it's just a feeling...but the point is, I feel it...I felt it....
And I suddenly can not let it go.
My health is (to be blatant and completely unpolitically correct) fucking retarded lately...but..dot dot dot...
There has been progress, and I am proud of it. Funny how sometimes the areas of your life you don't focus on may come Into balance in order to balance the aspects you ARE focused on.
Ever since Monday, I'm waiting for this call. I don't care if I get the job...I don't. But should it be mine, then I will embrace the new path and surely run with it.
That is not why I wait for the call.
It's something else...shivers.
So I don't know...
I'm back in those moments of in-between...
Seems to be all life REALLY is...just a series of all these inbetween moments from goal to achievement. And (shivers again)...I do know, that a lot of ground is traveled in these moments...ground that is typically unseen until the moments of arrival at that, said destination we have plugged into our timeline.
I guess...
That is where I'm at.
The biggest truth, is that I am waiting for the exhaust to subside. I really am, sick to death of being tired, especially with ferocities and hurricanes of inspirations showing me monuments of my own success...
I know it will. I know I will level out, and thank God, unlike before (years before)...I know what I need to do, to make that happen. In fact...I am doing it. It's just...the emotional stuff..the healing..the pain, the disappoint recently endured like truth to a slapped face...
I assume..
That...
That and the thrice broken-heart...
I assume it all just took it's toll...and now?
Now...
I am just in recovery; recovering.
Nourishing myself in the fragments I manage to push in...in the diciplnes I manage to lay...in the inspirations I find in vitality and the promise spirit has of me, for "this new day".
But no, I don't like it. And yes, I do wait.
Because so far, doing more and more right...still just isn't enough.
And no, I'm not being abstract. I'm talking eating better, eliminating addictions, actually drinking my water...but maybe...my body is in process. recovery. Detox. And I submit. I do.
But this writing thing. Venting. It helps me to. Otherwise the angst will take over as it has tried to. And I don't need that anymore. No, I much prefer my surrender...
And this...
This is my surrender.
And maybe even a prayer, Angels...
To recover me quickly.
I'm ready for this-life starting.
And I know today is still an epic,
Moment in-between.
Namaste.
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