The Capturer: (Log 3) The Writer

I could go on forever...
Telling the story, the capture.
As I do....
I watch the suffer.

I watch myself get lost in the tale, the telling,
As Genki hunches over, ears back..
And I begin to see and understand,
He needs me...
And how.

I can not imagine...
Being on the other side of my pen at times. Can not imagine what it would feel like, "should someone be writing
These things..
About me..." (Narrating to myself in a British "nanny" voice now, almost for the fucks sake of it)

No...
I can not imagine, and so
I know I must have caused some to suffer.

That...
Is one of many
Cross that I bare.

For to cower away and not express at all ,
Is to also not do,
Many duties.

I sort..of..
Find myself tight-roping it..
Walloping a balancing act
For a first time..
On several occassions...

Oh just the occasion of my life ;)!

And I think now,
To myself, here...

How important it must be..
That I tell my story.
In the sense..that...I wildly tell others' just by my feelings alone...
So..
How "dutiful" (if you will) of I, it seems,
To tell my own..

Candidly.

I suppose, I guess...I do.
Sure, with some things to hide as any, and many, oh enough I'm sure...

Still, I find, as I do, they like to crucify a bit..
For being too candid...

I wonder to myself..
Can I help it?
-I'm a writer, that's what I do...

...that's..
What I like..

The Capturer: (Log 2) The Photographer

And so she ran!
She ran to her building, laughing at the notion, that she WOULD be running.

I threw my head back, and took the wind and sky in...
The pace was nice.

And as she rounded the corner, the gentleman saw her, and practically ran with her to catch her door.

She laughed and expressed a buoyant "thank you",
Not taking the time to stop.
She knew they were both pleased with how beautiful that moment was.

Punching the elevator button,
She starts the poem that was just running through her mind,
With her.

Shoot up,
And door slammed, she notices the elevator is supposed to stop on 4, and evaluates then, she will get off there.
Up two flights of stairs so quick, she opens up her camera, and finally,

Hits the Roof.
Chasing, pacing quickly,
That, that fades.

The sky...
She is already shades darker.
Lost the chase...
But I make my way around the rooftop looking for the beauty still...
And this is what I made:

You see...
Coming home...
All of the sudden..
I noticed something...

The trees.
They were swaying...
Not swaying...
Dancing...
Happy...
Tickled by the wind...
Dancing their tingles and shivers away...

And then...
The sky...

She...
And how she made me cry...
And I rushed.
And I parked.
Determined to catch her...
Chasing
That which fades.

That which fades...
And this...

Is what
I caught:

His-stories

You want to concern yourself with my words, my heart...where it's at..

Only for you to condemn them later,
And toss my sizzling slivers up,
For scramble.

You wanted my heart...
Or never.

Got it with Apathy.
Raged and pushed away.

Tell me something...

Does Apathy have a capacity to Rage over the same subject matter?

Wake up.
"What's your problem?!" She shouts and pushes you back- it doesn't do anything.
Doesn't snap you out,
Only snaps you harder...

Tell me...
Do you love?
Is there THAT in you, anywhere?

Will you not speak kindly,
And why?

"For a Psychic Girl, she knows nothing" they whisper.

I'm not whispering anymore.
Hurt equals mean with you.
You have always had this sense that has acted like you hate me.
My fault, I suppose.
You told me you hated women....

I didn't believe you...

But I do now.

I will put my Magnus Opus, down.
I was indeed...chasing the most far-out dream...

Illusionary.
So

God-damned
Illusionary.

But I guess it makes
For great material...

Said the artist.
Said the writer.

His sadness
Will be
My His-stories.

I loved him.
But he

Never
Loved me.

Rabbit Hole

The day reveals.
And he IS
Nowhere to be seen.

What do I want from you?
Ohhhh, how about maybe NOTHING
Now,
When you say it LIKE THAT.
When you say it, like annoyance...
After I had spent a year, and many ways
"Telling you what I want"...
Or how about what I don't want?
Did that make a difference when I told you that? Do you even know...
What I don't want?!

What I don't want!
- to be treated like a pest.
What I don't want;
To be treated minus specific respect.
What I don't want...
Somebody who is too cold to even consider me.

You make me wait, like chess and games...
But also, like cold apathy
And disconcern for me.

We are not friends are we?
We never were, were we?
I might as well have died, and you would only miss me like another sad thing gone wrong in YOUR life.

I have always been willing to make your problems mine.
When HAVE YOU EVER
Done that for me?

No...instead, you'd spout how you just CAN'T be bothered now...
"Can't be bothered..."
God, It's such a bother...
Having someone so willing to love you.
Ignorant Fucking ass.

I'm sick to death of it...
And I'm just scratching my way out of this damn Rabbit Hole,
And looking for surface.

I would kill the damn rabbit
If I could catch him.

Signed Alice
And her jar of heart pieces.

Writers' Eggshells

The unkindness picks apart lips-
Spreads them.

I feel
Like I am watching
Entire ships burn,
Just standing back,
And letting Him be.

He isn't nice.
Nothing....
About it...
That seems to be...

Nice.

I start picking the eggshells off the ground;
What's wrong with the truth and feelings anyhow? Seems to me, the people who love me the most, don't have to deal with negative feedback...
Pretty much because they are just awesome; loving, kind, sincere, respectful, tolerable, AND tolerating, slightly liberal to any degree of conservative...

I pick up the eggshells.

There are eggshells
Where my pen tries to paint her stories;
Eggshells.

And I have been blessed to see lately,
That yes...
Any writer, many indeed...
Share the same fate of crucifixion...

For we tell...
Oh yes, we tell...
Many a things, many a ways, that will upset many, oh many, a folk.

Watching, processing,
Words coming to.
Then they seem surprised,
After having made some cunning remark,
Or sly near-to-invisible slander...
That YOU!
Yes YOU! Would have an opinion.

Speak to a writer.
At your own risk.
For you may find,
There is so much,
We are just as cleverly,
Willing to Mirror
Back to you!

Converse...
At your own

Risk!

The Note

Portraits.
The screech owl,
Scathes her awake in darkness.
Waking up from screams.
And dreams.
And worlds, worlds away;
Around.

I float, sort of,
In the middle-veil..
The "spaces between"
The so to speak..
And taking that walk now, it is dark out like a deep blue filter hazing
And yet, all the pinks
Pop most of all...

And it's Glorious,
The walk alone.

This seems to be the half of which
My life is shaded over.

Shades of light;
Shades of grey.

It hasn't even reached noon...
And it feels like I am walking
For Deathbed.

Submerge into a tub at boil.
That is where I'll be.
These danced limbs
And sad body-
I simply submerge
For trade.

Luck of The Draw

You've cried wolf so many times.
Like me.

Brushed off.
Yes....
Even I..
Brushed off.

Does it get hard?
Wearing so often,
Your mask of Apathy?

Do you break down,
And shake? Tremble?
Come falling down,
The tears that finally weep?

After the Rash, subsides,
In all it's hot red?
Is there not the sadness left after that?
The sadness?

If I were to read the sky,
She would be crying today;
Weeping underneath,
Like a girl finally realizing she's sad...
Afterall.

For the cover is threatened and dusty grey
That would hinder a brilliant morning.

Still...
Either she is glorious,
Or I am...
As when I see her tears having created
This mist,
This mist,
That dampens a sunlit dew...

I stand hovering,
Watching...

Encompassed. Tiny to any of this.
Irrelevant with Importance.
Candid with purpose.
Tapered Up,
And Rooted down!

I am watching her weep, knowing in possibly an hour of luck,
She will be scampering through those fields, freeing herself,
Waking up from within..
Playing without.

And then, I think,
The luck may bring the sun.

As the magic unfolds, not in any tomorrow..
But here in the nitty-gritty,
Teeter-totter,
Here and Now...

We face each principle of ourselves
As the enormity of a book,
In every instance-
Make it count.

No more wolf.
No more crying wolf.
No more SEEING it as crying wolf.
Just Live. Let live.
And make it count as if its your last.

It will be one day..
Could be soon.
And you don't wanna go out,
Leaving without your absolutions to this life.

I,
Make mine,
In peace
At the end of the day.
Somedays are days of hours long.

I'm resorting to
Crawling down from my web now.
Sort of,
Deciding to PUT it away..

The web she weaves, the web she weaves.
The more I work from intuition..
The more sometimes I feel I lose "me"...

This person Ariel is supposed to be.
So...
The Spider Crawls down...
In Absolution.

I fret for her...from my watcher...
Because she seems the type to resolve Death, if she can not change the nature within her.

That Spider...

Has ALWAYS BEEN,
My Mystery...

Call

Water bottle. Reach down.
But your fingers on it.

My my, rounding now..
Such a crazy bend.

And the water needs to soak into me,
Like pasts purging...
But some things
Will always have a life of their own.
And I guess that's the Thrown;
Where we get thrown.

The writer in me, could eat it all up..
The material they always give.
Splurge. Purge.
Create a refuge.

He..
Makes me feel that I could never create one
Large enough for him; equipped.
And while the drop In my eyes hangs low to believe him-
Looking at the ground now..
Kicking rocks...
My heart is a wind that strikes fierce and burns...
And she says..."go now"...

But...

Well...I don't know.
My timing normally is right on.
Maybe it's all meant to be, that's why.
Not my timing that's off at all?

Or perhaps.

Or perhaps.

The Zoom

Zoom so it shows the blur.
See those floorboards, wooden, old..
Painted over,
Scrapped over...
Like the wounds in my heart;
Just covered is all.

Seems lonely,
Trail-blazing through life when nobody else will.
Didn't realize I'd be doing it so alone.
Makes things different.
Makes things
REALLY
Different.

They look at me, as if my Energy is marked with "WITCH!"...
Curse me, I swear...
Seems like they'll feed on my light,
But all the while despising it so.
And that, is what makes, this life "funny" I suppose.
Funny...
I suppose.

I want to say that I have never met "a people" so cruel. So ravaged so. So plagued in spirit, and yes, oh yes...
Playing w Demons indeed.
That's what I WANT to say.

And IT IS lonely.
Trying to shine your light for the very people who might, would,
WILL
Contempt you so.

They are cruel, faul...human beings.
That is many our nature.
And some of us,
Oh yes some of us,
Have a "little more humanity" as they say- oh the irony!
Of the word!

Many a man walks alone.
I just don't know why so many of us go on pretending we don't.
Or add to the turmoil by choosing to be ignorant. Ignorant to our ways mostly, and then letting pride ruin all relationships-
All Love.

Is it dark for me to tell the truth,
That weaves our history,
Like drunkards, and prostitutes,
Debauchery and murder in the name of politics or gah! - God, for that matter?!

Starvation, disease, gluttony...and then you have "pettiness" which GOD, is the worst, because it is the seed of ignorance at it most passive-evil!

But I AM DARK? For what? having been hurt? struggling with physical pain? My whole life.
Emotional rape. Physical abuse. Verbal attacks?
I don't get how somebody who does not do that to others could so undergo on so many occassions, that being done to her.

Now...don't get me wrong...you wound me, I will hurt you! And sometimes, words are the greatest weapon...
But u don't hurt me,
And you have nothing to worry about.

And that is the truth from what I have seen and what I have seen of the relationships I have that can be deemed healthy, and respectful.

But I have seen disdain met by my wrath!
As I have seen judgement mirrored at its harshest.

I suppose it's the warrior in me. The fight
In me...

The love..

In
Me.

Behind the Mask

Somebody paint his face black
For me.
And in charcoal, coil the matter of his sociopathic wave to the spoils of his rotten heart;
Finding a man, not just drenched in toxins,
But seeping and bleeding poisons,
All over the air.
Hatred.
Deep. Dark. Like poison. Death. Murder. Rage...
He's...

All the Rage...

And the girls, they'll flock,
But beware, oh man, is this toy,
Such damaged goods-

This boy, oh God,
The Demons astir for him...
Enjoying and drinking
In his air.
The wave
In his air...

Just poison
To the light.

Drinking and drinking
Up the Night.

And the Charcoal runs and drips,
Leaving dark waters...

Somebody...
Paint his face in black.

And lets bury the cloud
Once
And
For


all.

The Capturer: (Log 1) Whispers Never Die

I've set up my desk.
My space.

To sit..
Watch out my windows when need...
And...
Well, you know...

Uncover
My voice.

There are things it is in...
Deep

Down


With in...

And I've been re-writing for some two years now, non-stop to my years of writers block that had headed before.

The girl with the keys to this apartment...
She is remarkable.

She works many days, coming home to the animal she works for.
Strong.
Fierce.
Quite hard on herself,
For not being a better "mom"...
Better at anything that she ought to be better at by now.

I watch her be hard on herself for making a mess she never knows she makes while doing so-
The voice she uses to get on her own case
Seems to be born from the voices of those that had done so for her;
She mimics their whispers still..
For whispers never die.

The story of her life,
Her thoughts,
Could go on for pages, days, hours,
Months..
Just following her,
Where she thinks.
Or in her love..
She (Ha!) is definitely

..an adventurer.
But also... a sad one...

For she has seen many things,
That perhaps one ought not want to admit could be real..
And it had darkened the cloud in her eye..
And it has, by far, veiled the hope in her heart..
Thought it IS,
Ever there.
Burning like a lantern in all her night.
Even if she
Can not see it.

No crumbs Anymore

No crumbs.
The search gone quiet.
Nobody on foot anymore,
Accept for me.

Clues lead to dead ends.
Nowhere.
To be seen, to be loved.

Not words of any nature to undo
The done.

Clues. Dead ends.
And all the silence is like worlds spoken,
But still not...

So what's real?

The silence?
The worlds beneath it?
What's real here between You and I...
And our worlds.
Our silence.
Where I feel as though you, perhaps have left me.

If I were a friend, you'd have shown you' cared...
So maybe I was only friend to you.
And if you were a lover,
Than you would have been a friend,
So maybe I was only lover to you.

It's not that I don't like my life.
It's much better now.

It's just...
I have been fond of you here, in it.

And I'm done trying to wrangle a rabbit down
That is wild with fear and chaos...
Ravishing with teeth and the messy unknown.

I am sad...
That it would be left like that,
And that I would have to leave it that way to stand up against letting you,

Hurt my feelings..
With only more cruel words that continue to make me the joke in all this.

I thought we were friends.
But as you said once...

You never said we were friends...
Which hurts deep down.
Yeah, I cry for you.
You don't see me enough as a friend to do any of the healthy things.

Apologize.
Communicate.
Ask.
Love.
Forgive.
See me.
Want to see me.

And I thought we were friends.
And I think,
I must have just been living in some fantasy world over what I thought had transpired between us.

Because this is sad...
Whatever it is here.
Between you and I.
And considering you have never much acknowledged or said that you value me,
Or any of the things I'd truly tried to do for you...
I...am left with this.
One-sided tales of trying to get out of this hole...
That I was stupid enough to let you dig for me, and put me in.

I worry about you. Ask about you. Love you. Want you to be happy, even if it means you find a girl that inspires love, compassion, hope, life...back into your life.

You just seem to show that you don't give a shit about me...
And yeah...
It saddens me...
Because I was stupid enough to think behind all the two-sides, and different faces,
You did care...

But you don't do you?

Well I have been a friend.
Loving you more than I ever wanted to. Caring more...
And it IS sad...

That you'd never knowledged me...
For how much I've tried to get around your affect on me, and still try to be here for you.
Of course...

Where were you ever for me,
In all this year...or two?

Not even an apology.
For being mean.
Breaking my heart.
Being careless with me.

That's where you've been. Adding on to my break.
Not taking my hand out of it.

I could judge myself for loving you...
But I'm just gonna leave it at
That I have two sides...

And one can love you if she is meant to...
I will just be here managing her back to wholeness with me...

Along the way.

The Vines

Beautiful thing,
Wrapped in diseased vines containing thee.
It is a dark day out,
The kind that makes history on many untold accounts...
The kind that leaves greats to themselves with no show for their work just yet...
Didnt it take Edison,
Einstein, ... Any great man,
Many great men,
Years before any knew their name?
Their work...

It takes time.
You may not see anything great from me today, but it is in my heart,
The Ferocity of the Sea...

An unstoppable thing.
Still beating and writhing on.
Not unprivy like so many.

I know it's fragile.
So fragile,
I could lose everything that matters in a moment. An instance.
I can not be un-privy to that.
To the fact,
That everyday I may strive for something
That may never be reached.

What is more fragile than that?
Than that?
Knowing, if the luck turns,
It could be
All for nothing.

That is why Life is just that.
A beautiful thing...
Wrapped in diseased vines...

Molded..rotted and dying...
Wrapping her up...
Tight...

Red lips.
Dark eyes intense.

Taking her out...
Slowly..
But surely.

Night

Disappear from me,
I'll watch in the distance.

Holding back, as if listening to Our song fill the air. Holding close.
Holding tight,
Every night.

There is a song distant, in the stars,
And I hear them like wailing ghosts with angelic voices.

The Beauty
Is a Beast,
That is rare.

Standing there in mud-tossed terrain,
Spear in hand,
Ready any fight.

White horse with wild
Guiding her through the night.
Knight.
I love our Night.

Beating Heart,
Adraft me in.
Setting sheets aflame...
She brazen...
Ready for Hell & Heaven & War...

Never, but really.
I steady like two feet pacing now..
Steady to align
To this Ready of Mine..
As I know seasons may allow rest, but
War comes too..

Yes War, my tiny America...
My backyard...

Face
The Sun...

He...
He...

A Son. Sun.
Knight.
Father... One Father...
As I turn to the Sun
To rest my past.
The gateway down.
As the gateway in.

Sleep Sheep...
As This Lion settles in.

The Lion
&
Her Lamb.

Down The Rabbit 'W'hole

I'm ready now.
(Breath in)....... ....... .... (Chest tight)..

Walking..
Walking after all...

I put,
It down...
This sword and fight
Still left in hand;
Heart.

No...
Breathes in...so fresh out...
No...

I put it down.
So nice.

Falling in love once more...
Taking it ALLLL
Back
Again.

Where I let the pits of hell fall once more
As I float,
Through violin-playing clouds,
And harps,
That relish me back to wholeness.

Everything Good...
Is everything more powerful than any demon,
For it IS the Good of all,
So many,
Infinite beauties, and synergies,
Like adaptogens
When taken in...

In all this good,
Is how The Demons attune once more to that which he'd always been...
But lost..

It is a light, almost portal, or worm-tunnel of matter at different masses...

The good overtakes their void,
As quick as milliseconds...

It takes but ONE notion to let it in.
ONE motion of absorb..
Reverence..notice.

And like light,
They are Re-membered again.

I have seen this..
In my falling.

And in my..
Letting Go.

Easter's Constellations

Tears fall like rabbits out of her eyes,
Dripping into forming constellations.

Under Easter,
I write, human humdrums of life,
And thought,
And life,
And thought..

And I balance myself out a bit,
So that the sadness he had left in me,
Is not so hurt.

I breath in the tick and the walk,
As cars and people pass by
Living their life.

I breathe in,
The tick, tick, tick...

Wondering how long it will be before he is gone from me,
Or this heart of mine,
Mended once more.

I am a writer,
Pen...and no booze...
Weed...and no desk...

Just the Internet...
And "you"...

Just me...
Watching...
So much become and pass by.

In the night...
Under the sky,
Every night...
Where I forget to remember
All the reasons I ought to let you go.
Let you down, from my pedestal.

I remembered today.
And I need to.
I need to remember
I need to let it break my heart
And sink in...

Do it's damage. See it's damage...
Because she had been hiding from me-
The Damage,
Deep down...
Ravaged.
At a loss.

So I,
Writer under the stars,
Watch Easter cry her Constellations above me...

Taking note...
And thought..
In note...

And
Thought.

Not much I can do...
But watch Her...
Maybe cry with her...

But at the very least...

May I write to tell her stories...

Being the cushion
She'd lost
So long ago...

Catching her dripping masses
And messes...

And giving her a blanket,
She tries not to need.

Together,
We are in love...
Easter & Me...

Easter
In
Me.

Little Ant & My love

Little Ant,
How I would if I could,
Shake you down
And hold you by the throat...

Always under my force, Love..
That's what I'd do!

Make you eat it,
Like shoving your head, full fledge
Into an unsuspecting Birthday Cake-
How about it's Your's at that, too.
Little Ant.
Boss.

How I would,
If I could,
Have you melted to me...
Beck and call...why not?!
It's what "actual" relationships do-
Beck and call.

Stupid.
Love my hand on the back of your neck,
Shoving you down,
Listening to you not beg..
But you're getting close.
If I were you, I wouldn't care either, hurts too much to...
But feels so good,
Loving you,
The way I do....
Not needing ANYTHING from you...
Just ever protecting you in my deep,for no reason made known to me that doesn't evade my logic...
No logic...you...
None...me...baby...
And how I love that word,
Still being yours solely.
There is something I love about you...
But yes, (smiles knowingly)...
Your destruction is deep...
I get it.
We are on the rise...
You and I.
Did you know my destruction is deep too?
So is my healing.

So...
Is yours...is my point.

But I know my relationship to you
Is some dream,
In between worlds,
Truths,
And Fantasies.

You are the Epitome
Of all now...
The illusion of you is...
And so
Are you.

And I know I love you, Epitome,
Even if our love may only ever mean just that...
I loved you, for no reason at all, but that I was meant to. I had to.
There came no choice.
And so it was...
And so it is...
And so I love...
And protect you in my heart.
Hoping one day you will remember,
There is nothing to forgive.
Then,
There is only love.

At all.

I'm really loving this. Life. In ways. More. Because I have loved you.
Because you are special to me.
And observed lifetime-like...
Protective like sweeping away hair on your face,
And soft refuge
Away and yet embodied by the world.

Happy Tidings. Journey. You name it.
I want you to live and love, and laugh, and know

There will never be another you.
Spread your light, Ant...
And I will in the mean time,
Just
Always
Love you.

You are my beautiful sad mess.
I can never arrange you...
But the Brilliance is...

You are already arranged.
Ever changed.
And changing.
Evolution, as you said it.
I miss your poems.
Your "baby's"
And truths slipped.
Or all talk to that Sociopath flipped, my Two-Face.
It's okay.
I'm your Bonnie.
You just don't know it yet...
Little Ant..
That I can't,
Make do anything,
That I want.
I surrender. White flag. Boss...
Even if you are sick and all...

I'm not saying you are...
Just going by what you say...

I wouldn't know.
It's not we were ever friends enough for me to know.

All I know,
Is the lifetimes and love I saw...
Endless, many...
And you...
And I...

And this.

And you now.
And me now.

This now.
Glorified. Punched. White snow.
Everything I know...
In dreams and visions,
I awake to to find a simpler, more complex version, on earthly plane,
Stead of Lucid Escape...

That is my now.
And I am glorified more this day...
Because fate might make sure the planets move to sink in impressions a bit more
Than other occasions.

There is still a blank where there ought to be you...
But God rays through brighter like day play, those days too just missing you...

It actually is a beautiful thing...
The way you have caught my heart, like a butterfly.
Maybe your a mean kid...but you've kept me alive..sometimes finding the moments to gaze in my jar,
And I watch you float away in your eyes...
As if I remind you of life's nostalgia...
And her complete series as well.

Life is a beautiful thing...
With a love like this.
Like how I love you.
I see dawns arise,
And violins rip electric gardens...
I breathe air differently,
And see you
In EVERYTHING.

It's not so bad...
Saying yes to yourself.

Signed,
Free Love & Tenderizing Passion
To My Ant Boss' Dismay.

2:22 Line Up

Painting Dali's in my mind,
I fall to the swindle swagger of house beats and perfect
Old school Jazz,
Touches of deep, hypnotic..
Like you,
On me...
On me
On me
On me

I can't stare, one more scare
Meets the beats with the best beats in me
Intertwined Harmonies
Colliding Divines,
You and Me
On me
You and me..
On me
On me

I will break past the windfall
And make sure, to take your heart with me,
To heaven, my love.

Everything I will ever be...
The Apocalypse.

I've always felt it in my bones, "the new age"..
The Apocalypse.
Like I said...
"Running Wild" (slow motion camera notions watching actress' hair)

I can't believe the option I have before me of where I have to go!
If but only I can listen sometimes, you know us.

Sleepy notions,
Float her slow motions,
Hair weaving to the flow of slow, so slow. More than you know, so slow.
She makes love, like flies...
The kind you watch in the sunset over a waters backlit slides...
Yes the guitars that men learn how to make love to...
As I'm sure many a Woman has pushed to...
Kiss..under sunsets,
And midnight's dreams...
Soaring, my Love..free...
So free...the flight, the air...
Can you feel that, against your face..
Snapping winds still like harmless fog...
Maybe a good metaphor,
For
Our love, my love.
Indeed.

Wild

Sponged
By books
And lost romance in movies;
Energies intertwined
Behind this character,
And that actor...

And I watch,
As love stories are spun,
Or written,
Displayed,
Or portrayed.

Ease the ache,
Ease the cure..
It's double-edged in repeated words from two heads..
Two faces,
Two hearts.

There is a secret in the air. Everywhere.
And THEY
look at me like I'm wild,
For seeing these whisps, like Fairies.
I think,
"Fuck you".
Jealous bitch! Winky face. Smile.
Cuz they wish,
They could see,
What I see.
Believe me.
It comes with a price.

I lay back on my bed and open my legs.
Enjoy that.
As I pull the black off tongues
And as always,
Miss you, number 2.
But I've gotten used to that too,
So I also lose you,
Number 2.
As life proceeds,
And paths meet...
And we will see,
Where all ours lead.

Crystal Ball

I'm more content now,
Navigating my road. Dying by myself,
No mean havens to stress my death.

Much more content now,
Living in my sin,
The only voice now, my own mostly,
That so matters.

Much more content now,
Seeing people,
For who they choose to be,
Stead of being "spelled" over...
I thought I,
Was the witch.

More content now,
Sitting back watching,
Through my crystal ball.

Alone. Angels.
And then of course, my treacherous Love...
In my heart, there's always you.

And that's mostly it...
'Save for my cherished few...
But like I said...

"Angels"...

And then only...

A bit more of a lonely life.

I'm rather enjoying it...
Accept the part without you.

The Flimsy Foolish

Unabashingly,
You linger in me..
Words, memories, whispers, unreal.
I deserve nothing from you,
And you I.

We have both wronged eachother treacherously
Out of our love,
And our hate for ourselves and the other.

Everywhere I look,
I see you,
Or whatever it is you stand for
In my subconscious' conscious.

We deserve nothing from the other.

You want me to pick up and abandon all memory; cower over the foolishness...
Because I could.
Yet I waver on both.

Why would he give us his blessing?
What do I not know?
And what have you not said?
And why won't I let you go,
As I commit to...

Still committing to.
Still wanting to,
Because you make me a foolish girl...

In fact,
The worst I've seen.

Under The Stars

There is a warmth,
A solace,
In the quietude...

As I sit back
And watch the day become
What it will become.

My stomach is in poisoned knots still from the bug before,
And I'm resting back,
An occasion once more.

Work was perfect.
As was my seeing it passed through...
A call-in shift; not needed
As much I'd prefer not too...

And it is in that, every small miracle
I meet in many my day..
Waking up once more
Still searching, still searching..
Happy in my home now.
Alone.

Still searching, still searching
But content Dear Love.
Happy in my home now,
Alone.

Gold & Love

Darling.
Oh Darling, oh my, how I look to the sky
And let my heart smear wide across to you
And Him.
Memories fade where the runaways get replaced.
Smiles on faces, and melting lips
Sinking ships,
Especially ones you and I have been on.
Still searching, it all
"Collapses"
Into place.
Gemini mind
Melts me after you...
But he's picking up the pieces
You never looked twice at...
Finding Gold strewn across our walk...
He is a lucky man
Who says I am a lucky girl-
Gold & Love everywhere.
Gold & Love everywhere..
With him, I smile daily.
Just like with you...
In the few moments you'd linger to care if I smiled or not...
In the few moments you how ever still abandoned time
And time
And time
Again.
You get the point.
I like the calls.
The love.
The opportunity to express myself and be corrected
And laugh
And even scared...
Because he won't let me run away.
Whereas you never cared if I stayed.
And I like his loose lips.
And the man in him that wants to spoil me.
And how, yes indeed, he talks to me like you had...
Oh yes, like you had...

Gold & Love Everywhere.
And while he's foot by step with me,
You are in my sky.
I have ground.
But at least there, you still lay.
Swept away.
In another life.
And another day.
Where I can love a man
Like you without being crucified by his inner fool.
In my heart. In my sky.
But I guess never too real
In this life.
As you were never at all good to me Darling, anyhow.

Love & Gold.
Nothing here now,

But Love & Gold.

He's strolling with me.
Picking up the Gold I lost
Over you.
Thinking you could ever be THAT.