Repeat, Repeat

"I need you" on repeat
Out of nowhere.
Valentines day perfect,
But your name Slamming me,
Finding me..

And the convictions seem dwindled.

My kisses to your imaged lips..
Soft, palpable..
Unmet, Goddamn you!

Giving up the world around me-
Needing to..

Anything for...
Him; you..

Gone straight from not needing you there,
To repeat, repeat,
Geeezus Christ, what's wrong with me?!

Watching it,
Repeat, repeat..
His name; yours..

And I want to fuck the sense out of it;
Burn the house down..

Because there's no sense here..
As I have done any and everything to
Tare, tare, tare Him out;
You.

But Repeat, Repeat,
That damn curious, intrigued Cat in me,
Playing chicken with her lives left..

Left
Lives.

Baby...
Can't you take me in?
Why won't you?
Don't want to?
Am I not her?

Am I not her?

And you not mine?
Is that why?

Is it?

Because then, I'd understand..

Repeat, repeat..
Watching Ego soar, on clouds, thoughts,
And I seek to hold her back,
Hold her down,
Place her back,
Right inside me,
To sit calmly and take in the peace,

But Geeezuz Christ, Baby,
Your fucking name!
Getting the best of me..

Unsettles and transmuted,
Unspokens and diluted..

Never a closed case to give me grace,
But rather, YOU!
Fucking you..

Unclosed.

And my damn soul,
Isn't having
This unfinished game..

Not with how much she longs to you;
Me.

I tried locking the doors,
And setting the house aflame...

But there it stood,
Unscathed the next day..

Repeat,
Repeat..

Maybe because it's not done...

So why..

Is it because I am not her?
Too easy?
Too complicated?

Repeat, Repeat
Actually, how I love your name.
Enough to bury it and dig it up
The next day.

Enough to drive something in me, stark mad, baby..

Obviously.

"I miss you"..
On repeat.
Next to him, Next to her-
You, on Repeat, in me.

And I never got to quite cast my spell on you.
Never got to.

So wanted to. Still do...
As you repeat, repeat in me, Babe...
Forgiving this stupid thing..
As you repeat, repeat in me..

Because none of this has been US anyway..
Just some empty shells in transient games..
Dazed,
And lost and finding Soul.

And if you haven't heard my apologies,
On repeat..
I am.
Deeply..
Also,
So sorry.

And would do anything,
To
Just reset
Our Repeat.

Believing I could..
Do that impossible thing..

And Love you...

Coming on strong,
Because it is intense, here,
In me,
Over your Repeat, Repeat,
Within.

Never leaving..

Even when I've pushed you out--
Like a ghost,
My mind takes you in.

Repeat.
The lives
In me.

And I am;
I'm sorry.

She...

I don't know if it was me, or you, or everything...

But I take it back.
Undoing it all.
Kissing those lips..

Soft, Palpable..
Making them mine.

Or...

Not.
Or...

Not.

Writing.
Surrendering in time.

Figuring it is Lost.
Me, mad
You, Apathetic, as you say...

Is it just me? must it be?
Has to be.
Can't it be!

Is it just me?
Knowing us two creatures differ so-
Just me... Going mad?!
Must be..

Must.
Just trying to cancel out..
This damn Repeat
You have in me.

Kissing
Those soft lips..

Attempting my Goodbyes so many times..
Never,
Ever
Having you..

Anyways.

My Babe.
Yes..
Ever in my world,
Just longing to love you!

Kissing you,
Attempting Goodbye, I suppose..

As this repeat,
Repeat..

Just goes.
And I'm attempting,
To watch it...
As if it will dwindle.

"I miss you"..
"I need you"?!

What the Fxxk?!
"Need"?

Repeat.
Almost getting the best of me.
But I just attempt now..
To write it OUT...

To RIGHT it out..

This repeat.

Maybe it's the damn stars, astrology..
Moon,
Weighing on me.

Your name, dear one..
That face.

Lips unkissed.
Reset.

Reset.

Reset.