Take My Hand

Invisible force,
I need you. Take my hand
In ALL my collapse, and whisper truths back to me,
I can no longer see.

The hands I once reached out for, are no longer, and no longer
Holding me;
Reaching for me.

The illusions are wiped clean, where I was so very blinded...

Like a sheet pulled off of a heart and face.

I am delicate.
Fragile.
And not alone in this at all, am I?

Because how much, aren't we all,
Otherwise I imagine that the hands I love so, would be reaching back.

Colors show, and it is a saddening truth.
One leaving me stunned..oh, yes...

Stunned.
I rest, awaiting food to be delivered...
Because I am collapsed after holidays of putting on face,
And pretending as if
My heart has not been shattered.

I gave some light, and I let some light be given to me...
And this world is blessed w Angels...
But last night was close...
Close to that death I've entertained the thought of throughout all my collapse on Earth.
I lost all that matters playing the notion if I was to awake from that passing out.
I did.
I'm still here.
And I need a hand.
Realizing all the times I'd reached out to that man, he never wanted to take mine.
And realizing some may lend you a hand, but it may only be computer generated.

And somehow, in all that then,
The invisible force is more real that scoops my winged body off the floor and carried me.

They never did that for me....

But this force does.
And somewhere as well, I know this force is a part of me.
Seperate, but the same...

So as any of them hail over what had passed, I hope I can remember that indeed, when time has passed...

It was I, and this invisible force that have carried me to my feet...

Time and time again.

In the face, of what so many had failed to see, or be, or do with me.

But I know...
I am not alone in this...

Not alone.

We are all fragile, and delicate.
Misunderstood, and crucified.
It is our fate.
Our destiny...
Our sentence here...

But so is beauty. Life. Living...

And yes...
Death.

It is real, death.
I see that now...
And maybe I wish for it a little less.
Maybe, still IDK...

Because no matter what,
In death,
AND IN LIFE,
There seems all too surreal a truth...
THAT HERE,
We very much live and die alone.

Whatever I have done to be a "good person"...has backfired on me-
The stands I took...
The loving at all cost...
The forgiveness attempted...
The abuse withstood

There are so many who are cruel here.
Who try less than I.
Who care less. Who hurt more. Some on purpose...

Why does my life feel like a punishment, as though I were one of them...

I will never,
Understand this..

Collapse

There is nothing for me to do,
But just sit here.
Digest.
Digest.

My body is weak enough,
All that feels right..to just
Sit here..
Digest
& Rest.

I collapsed last night.
The way my limbs feel now...
Heavy, loss of control..
I didn't much understand any of it.

Couldn't pick myself up, thought,
Is this it? Is it ACTUALLY happening?

The ice fell from my hands and scattered the floor, before I even comprehended where I was at in a studio apartment.

I saw myself going down,
Losing all control of limbs.

10 minutes ago,
I had ripped off the bra at my chest,
Wondering, IS THIS WHY I CAN'T BREATH?

It wasn't a panic attack.
It was as though I'd been poisoned.

Lifting up, all I saw was white.
I struggled to stay in my body, as I had grabbed the ice.
Somehow made it to the bathroom,
Though its not as though I had to puke-
Phone in hand, I had...
My phone in hand...worried..
But I left it there on the toilet...and at the door jam collapsed. Lost sight.
Knowing what it would feel like to die alone...
And it wasn't so bad.

'Cept for the pain and discomfort in the body that nobody could probably take away anyways...
Once you're that far out.

I called Genki to me.
Just needed somebody.
I wondered too...Is this how a "walk-in could occur?
It's like somebody pressed a power button on me, and I had only two minutes before "shut down".

I remember my stomach boiling against my thigh, and thinking WTF is wrong w me?! Knowing I would have gone to the hospital if I had insurance and a ride.

Couldn't stand if I'd tried.
Figured I'd wait it out and be "alright"...

I always am.

I woke up some minutes later,
Contorted on the floor-
A bowl of weed, a glass of wine..and food without meat- that's all I had.

I lost time- don't know If it was 10 or 30 minutes, I'd gone...

All I knew is the same movie was playing that I "died to"...
And I could get up again.
And I did.
And I crawled in bed...

And finished it-
The movie...

But now...
Idk. I'm laying stomach to my floor...
Digesting...
Not the collapse so much...
But the life that keeps me afoot.

But I'm too stunned and stumped
Over what I see.
So I lay here, in the sun through the window...
With my Dog. Just lay here.
Rest here...
Maybe even do some more dying here...
As I digest
Digest...
And rest my weary limbs and body..
Chest and breath.

They are quite tired today.
And I'm living in the aloneness...

And it is as enriching
As it is real. Real in how it's felt.
And in the emotions
That pass through there...
Like humanity.
Like our stories.
And how many times, we've all
Only been alone...

Yes.
Quite,
Quite

Real.

3AM Air

Idk.
None of it seems to real, in this 3:16am air, and my gaze strafled a bit. My sight wider than my fight with dad may have portrayed.
Lost abit, in the air,
Between here and there..
Like a dazed gaze indeed.

And here, in between there..
Idk...
None of it seems to be real.
The words. The reality...
Maybe it's because it's too ugly.
Maybe it's because it's not real...

But there is something real there.
Real in history's past
Real in lessons and reasons that have come to be because of "this person" and "that".
Real in reasons why...
Real reasons why, not fake ones,
Like Soul Contracts vs. Egoic fight...

Notice I capitalize the E, just as even the Angels may very well fear even demons.

We fear ourselves...
Worse? Much more than we fear demons? I think it very well may be possible considering that some tenth of all population probably doesn't even believe in demons.

The Vision

A'masked by only the illusion,
I draw my sword,
And pin it down;

The vision is strong.

Bowing before my Invisible Lord,
My wings are the longest I've ever seen.

My stature braves a kneel with my wings covering long, a strong and hearty back.
My head is hung just a little too low,
As I hold it in some shame that I have failed,
And only failed myself;
I know my lord will not judge.

The Lion.
Appeared.
Whom is Me, and yet not?

The Hearder

The things I know,
Contained within me.
The rage seeks to take that away,
But I watch it instead.

I hear the many things they have said,
And
The honesty paints ugly visions.

I have years of offenses stacked up,
By people who'd profess to love me.
And some are blatant, and you know what you get...
And others are conniving, based on how they think alone, and who they are willing to be,
Though not share,
Out of that.

Amongst wolves, I see my wolves.
Amongst their disguise,
I had turned my back to an infiltrated pasture.

Do not love me in fear, and call it love!
Then call me mad to boot, no.

Do not see me. Maybe you can't.
Maybe you are not supposed to.
Maybe I just want peace,
But it is a silly dream on Earth.

I will not be wronged for standing up for myself against people who care not to listen.

"Friend". "Family".
How I have lost you in my heart...
For it is true...
You see me not.

And in my world...
That may be true to a foulest offense.

You see me not.
And I will not, like Jesus, rest my feet to a home that casts my gifts out.
I will move on to the next,
And spread my light.

I will not be made wrong in feeling angry or hurt.
I will not back down from these offenses this day...

But I will indeed,
Step foot in front of another,
And run, run free.
Walking my path, fruitful,
Though when YOU look, you may only see a barren tree.

What I have contained within, seems, so seems, as pearls before wolves.

Do I love thee? I do...
But I can not help to suddenly see and know, how likely it Is that I can trust you.

Thoughts are vicious. And if not in check, they will blacken soul, words, and deeds.

I know this. I see this. And I'm starting to think, though you fight me, you might in your heart know I am right.

I...
Have eyes to see.
YOU call me names, and seek to judge and label, but I will not back down in the face of untruthful scrutiny...

And it has only shown me,
How much you don't see...
And don't see me.

Which is an offense.

An offense actually,
To the world.

On to another step forward,
And ever fighting for what I believe.

I know what they will say.
They will lie and kick and scream at me not to see MY TRUTH...

But how is that love?
Oh, how I can tell u it absolutely is not.

Not for themselves, for me, for their families, nor the world, nor our Christ.

It is fear..it is ego...
And I accept that both things have always battled with, in, and around me...

But what do we have,
If NOBODY,
Takes that stand?

Family Life

I never looked back at your texts;
I knew it would drive me crazy-
Your words, and how I'd let them sink in if I might have...
How that might form anchor.

I don't want
Any more reason to feel bad over this...
To distrust your "seemingly" sincere demeanor,
No nevermind the words that rattle in my head from the things you said
THAT day...
And many...

Like "self-centered"...

And all I can really conclude,
Twisting your words around and turning their rocks over...

Is that,
You must not just know me!

And I think about all the things you've said...all the ways you have loved me, or not...
And what now,
A week before Christmas, and we haven't even talked, but "I'm" self-centered??!

Coming from a mother and family that sees me twice a year? Because u think you know me, right?

Don't have a fucking clue, is what I'm thinking...

Because as I've been encouraged to play it small, and not dream so big...
Oh to lay my Diva and my Martyr down so that YOU, in your household,
Can feel a little more comfortable with me??
Meanwhile...where the fuck had anybody been, enough to have the audacity to call me "self-centered",
When how guilty are we ALL of that?!
I mean, hey...
The last conversation we had was supposed to be about me...
"I'm" the one that wanted to talk.
And I haven't called,
Because you, in your age 40-something, felt it more important to battle me, Instead of listen:
I didn't even get to say a tenth of what I needed to,
Because I got too busy battling your own emotions even though it was supposed to be about mine...
And I got stuck battling your egoic reaction, as I strangled to fight back mine...and I warned you...but you acted like you could take it...
Til I didn't get an apology for your words, along with no family invites...
But why am I just not surprised?
I'm the one that wanted to talk.
I made the leap. The request. Not you...
And I barely wound up saying anything I wanted, as you snidely said to post a million pictures of myself. As you called me self-centered, and accused me over feelings, you have kept in for years, it what it seems like to me.

Man o man o man...

Is that the relationship you have to me?
Shit...it feels like despise...
With your judgements, seemingly nasty.
Masked as concern, until your venom came out.
And I've been sitting on it.
Turning these rocks over.
I would think Dad doesn't care, no call.
I can only assume you don't want me there for Christmas...but "your my mother and you love me right?"
Excuse me, while maybe I suspect it's a lie...
When you can't even reach out to me...
And I just assume I'm not invited for Christmas.
Mostly because, this conversation was never finished. And I still have your words rattling around, like truth revealed to all my gut suspect...
Walking on egg shells in this house...
So that I don't trip powerchords in your little home...
Just by being me.

For once, I'm laughing

I see the foolish now. Man o' man...
Is that foolish now, apparent now,
Readable, and gathered
Like observation
To knowledge dripping. Seeping.
Yeah...soaking...mmm!

Fuck me!
Man o' man, this world's a silly thing...

And for once in a long while,
Well shit!
It's kinda fucking funny.
I think...
But nevermind that!

And geez, man,
O' man, o' man, O' man!
Maybe it IS a LITTLE funny...
"Ha...ha.."...
Not, right?
Fuck! Me!
And this stupid stupid man, I would love to break, says smiling..
Reminding herself,
"This is serious! Stop that laughing shit! He said, you need to let him go!?!"
Before you know it,
I'm "wtf-ing" my own humor!
I mean really, ARIEL, WTF?!

But ya know...
It's because it really is
One big
Hell
Of a
Goddamn fucking joke...
(Says that laughing out-loud in my dark 1am room, and my type-type)

No...
But it is... Because...shit! The tragedy isn't real! So it's a fuxking comedy!
It's a fuxking joke, right?!?!!!...

And I'm finally starting to get it now...
The hilarious ness of it all!!
Man o man o man...

Because I will go on loving..
And you will go on pretending
You don't care. (I mean "he" ;)

And there just seems something tragically ironic about that,
If indeed, tragedy is a choice!

Oh! "What fools! What fuxking fools!"-
(I imagine some middle aged, earthly cups a' clanking, and a brawny bearded drunken warrior toasting it out!

My God! My God!
What a Crazy Dame, Life IS- No "can be's" about it!

Fuck this!
(Saying that laughing in the face of our damned)!
Hell...you could even say I'm on high!
I'm gonna fuckin turn this bitch out, and make her get on her goddamn knees for me...
Mm..begging for more!
Life-
That little fucking whore!
Ravenous, and tail-biting...

God-damn...she is more than I bargained for! Way, way more than I bargained for...
Uh! Like him!
And him.
And her.
And me! Fuck!
Definitely, like me ;P...

Cuz that's what she'll do!
She'll stick that little fuckin tongue out, and tease you,
Thinking she's all cute...
And BAM! YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT!

Fuck that broad! Fuck man! I know!
I see em...
Life, THAT little fucking whore,
Mascarading for,
Wearing that little thing,
And doing this little that,
And before you know it, she's holding onto your arm, to keep her up through a swallowed night...

Yeah...Life...
Little fuxking FEIST...
Teaching her daughters how to fuck men and lesbians alike!
And yeah, I'll break a heart, while they go on breaking mine...sharing stance...
My my, sharing stance!

Kinda funny, isn't it?
The irony. The humor... In it all!
Lol! I mean seriously...

Kinda fucking funny.

Morning Text

Wake up. Wake up.
Time to wake up!

By now, please know,
I am just talking to myself.

Wake up call.
Awake to revelations, soon to come;
All of it a'stirring.

I think I must have cared like ache.
Being birthed to His Numb;
Revelations.

Wake up.
Revelations.

As I don't know how to take it? Already yelling at myself: "THIS is the closure you wanted, now RUN."...

What am I running from?

The last 24 hours have been "telling" like miracles indeed.
Having been sad and tired from loving, suddenly how I am face to face with it after I was done searching.
The car alarm blaring now, and I'm still lost in a trance outside to it enough,
I couldn't move-
I just don't want to- it is merely another bird singing right now.

And as I've let the morning slide into me...
Hours passed now...

I realize how much you would probably HATE me...
For loving you.

And I'm soaking in your drowned words...
Soaking in you...
Soaking in the hour you sent them, and the hours that have passed...

Watching it all, thoughts like wheels on a highway...
Me, I'm still.
Nowhere for me to go from here..

So I check a few things...noticing the tides in me pulling less than yesterday..

Trying to let love in
Without ever feeling like I have to let it go.

I can love you.
And her...
And it doesn't have to hurt, right?
Am I right about that?
It feels like I am...

And I'm just trying to make it so...
Get there so...
That...
When you say leave it alone...
I won't hurt
By you, in and out yourself.

Have we both not done both?
Oh fools.
Innocent young fools..
Making love hurt so.
Angry so.
...I know...

And I'm trying to find
THAT Agape Love...
Unconditional...time-brazen...
Letting go because there's nothing we can lose...

It's all us, anyways.
And I don't care if you're mad at me...
If I were to be brave, I would say...
How you have been good for me.
How you have made me search in love, and search myself, just to be able to love you.
To forgive you.
I'm angry too. Cussing you out.
But you're rarely assertive enough to really really care, right?
Don't really care, right?
Am I right?

Cuz that's a pretty good thing to know.
Maybe even
the thing I've been waiting for....

Perfection

Goddamn, the way I'd twirl u up!
Wouldn't even know
What was what, forget completely or not at all,
That it is I,
In my delicate hands, forcing you,
Down into my bed.

My God,
The way you wear that Red, vision in red,
As I could eat u up, and
Scoop you alive.

I love your wild little thing, she is a beast.
A killer I'm sure all the same,
If not proof already beheld.

Your touch on me is hypnotic. Your pull on me, foreseeable, but surrendered to.
Your body....fuck...
A whirling motion, and your tinyness, how I'd love to grip you in my paws.

Tonight you danced my world into perfect romance.
You,
Was all I needed.
Just as you gave it. Minus the ending, departing, and me pretending not to care as you, Beautiful Thing...
Walk away.

"Mm.
My God."
That's all, I can think,
When you let me behold you-
Your stature.
Your Bronze.

Fuck, you're perfect.
Accept

For the "Straight" Thing.
Accept
For that.
;p

Ring

My heart is a little broken underneath,
The morning slow to inspire me outta sleep,
The missing, like exhaust with thought..
Searching though he's nowhere to be found.

In many ways, I am the Wise One,
Who doesn't want to grow up.
Seeing many days, the place I belong,
But so rarely being able to stay there,
As emotions bind themselves.

So what do I do?
I finally pull myself outta bed, Ready...
To start the day;
I've already decided to smoke a bowl,
Since I may not get coffee today.

Underneath,
I miss him, like death. He has always done this to me-
The Missing, Like Death.
Mostly because he doesn't say anything.

And there's her...that star...that brilliant star, loving somebody...
Not me. Brilliant in her confiding,
And finally that moment, I found myself wanting to kiss her...

And I knew then, after all this, that yeah, perhaps she was doing something to me
Perhaps she has for a while.

The Toil of "straight girls"....
I would think she knows,
Just a bit.

Grasping at The Blue
To see how I might let go in the Rainbow'd light.

It's interesting
What a ring will do to your hand,
When you leave it there too long.

I finally
Took

My ring off.

Maybe Broken

Slowly as time passes,
I check my Facebook less and less...
It won't lead me to you..
And I guess there IS better "stuff" to do.

Realizing there is only so far I can reach out to you
You would be surprised how much
I am still able to...
How far I am reaching,
For anything from you...
And even still,
How I find u in pieces,
In the bits and crevices...
Maybe even "Everywhere".

I AM sad...and I guess that's okay

"Why do we do what we do?",
Us humans?

Under...
Baby...
There is you...
And I am definitely heart broken,
No sense of it..now ever correcting my spelling,
For the words where you've managed to...

Everyday, you're in the air...
Being breathed up by me,
As my everything needs
THAT something you give me-

Give my heart...my chest, my lungs..
Everyday,
Taking you with me,
Even when I decide to love.

Bringing love letters out in me...
Over oceans, Through time...

Ever gone.

And my heart,
She is definitely broken...

But I also know,
On the right day,
For the right passerby-er,
With the "right sun" and ample conditions,
My heart loves as though she's never known anything other than.
Bright. Brilliant. Flawless.

My heart is sad over you.
Maybe broken because with you in there,
It is a bit hard to love another...

Though not..
Impossible.

You have ALWAYS been gone

To me.

I shouldn't be this sad...
But it's deep.
Enough to make me want to say no to love...
And shelter up...
Missing you so...

Sad, you've never given me much than this way you leave...
And then
There's the draw in between
You and me, and I can't tell..

I can't tell...

If its just me, that feels it like life pulse and breath..
Heart beat. Meaning,
I NEED you...

Just even in the small things...

But you have always been gone to me...

True abandonment with no word-
How you suit the mechanisms of my history.

The surprising part is how much I have forgiven you
And still loved you...

And I can't tell...

If that is a flaw...
Or if somehow, it makes it Love?

I know I love you.
But WE know love isn't perfect.
Hell! Love is treacherous and snake-like.

But it's also,
All that mystery.
So much mystery. So much unseen force. So many why's that may never go explained!
Why do I long for you?
Why would you not say why you won't respond?
Why would I subject myself to this?
Why,
Am I just waiting to forgive you?
Waiting for you?

Will you not stop my waiting.
Or must I? As I've tried?

So much mystery.
And I wonder...

If it is "Love-Force", all this mystery?

You have been cruel.
Have I?

I would like to know.
Anything that might allow me back in so.

This is not a move, is it? On your board?
Or have you called your own bluff?
How much, I don't know.

I've packed the things you've left in my heart all up,
But Your Love won't seem to go.

Morning Communion

Close my eyes.
Absorb it in.

Miss the reality back home,
Afraid to say.

Realizing the sadness born to
Would make missing feel like
Torcher & Death..

And how it has.

Closing
My eyes,

I touch the veil, window, porthole of that time,
And I remember now
What I forgot in all the Hell...

That there is
No distance,
And no time...

Not really.
For even if alone these concepts exhausted in our imagination, for alone then it can be.

Our mind...a reality; cosmos and dimensions of TIME as a thing we are just short
And still far from understanding.

Here,
I lean my head, against yours, whoever you are..
And I feel the channel, like unity.
Two perfect beings becoming one.

This Angel at my Veil,
I see you, but I don't.
Feeling you so...

And as I
Close my eyes...

It is only us.
And I see all that I need to.

For now:
Only Love..

And Only Us...

I bow my head that you may
Hold me up, and kiss my Crown..
Revitalize a new,
And show me daily, how daily..
What it means to Love You, Angel.

What it means to let love live and to be bestowed upon.

There is a place for everything. We are a world of endless potentials and opportunities... For chaos and order, negative and positive, artistic and logical, intuitive and analytical..

This,

Is my place here,
On my knees so,
Being kissed and directed by Angels..
By The Christ within Me..
By I AM.

Community Garherings
In His Name.. and Hers..
And Ours.

We are each
The Faith
Of that Mustard Seed.

~ . ~

They coddle me, because it hurts knowing what I know. It hurts being an "absorber" in today's world...of emotions, energies, sounds, frequencies, electromagnetic signals, etc. This is why I call on them, and why they are here for me. Ever present. Literally standing by, and awaiting my request! (I forget this all the time of course, even me.)

I was once "read" as having an "army of angels behind me". She was only confirming what I had allowed my self to know for a little while now. Still ever skeptic, I understand "what's real" is much beyond our comprehension, so I go with the notions I get, lending possibility that THEY TOO, may very well be illusions.

Many more of us are sensitive to these things much more that we'd like to confess...especially OTHER PEOPLE'S emotions and energy! Oh especially this!
Why do you suppose relationships can be so hard?! Sibling relationships, friends, authority, parents, lovers.

I have many hard days having neglected often, the importance of this understanding. Lately? I've learned a much different approach to life.
Some practical notions I try to abide by?
1- Live & Let Live
2- Choose Wisely for yourself and your personal goals
3- Trust & Love others as much as possible
4- Be practical in your boundaries and your limitations
5. Stop trying to please everybody around you
6. Learn to say "Yes". Learn to say "No".
7. Surrender to the moment, while attempting to focus on any positive
8. Live each day as if it may be your last.
(This increases "happiness" and gratitude for even the smallest moments).
9. Forgive for yourself
10. Move away and detach from the things that do not serve your highest potential

"Surrendering" to the moment can take many true leaps of faith! But it's really just learning to listen to YOUR OWN intuition as your navigation system, for THERE IS a purpose for you. Understand your purpose, and it's like taking the "BLUE" pill. ;p

I won't lie, ignorance CAN be bliss...
But it's never been for me...
Even with all the sacrifice I endured. :)

So instead...
I commune. I pray.
If this is what brings me closest to some meaning or form, reason to all this madness,
This side of the veil,
Then gladly,
I would spend my last day this way:

With the only thing(s)
That have been with me since birth.
That thing, the least I know of it,
My, I AM...

"Thing(s)"-maybe Saints and Angels to accompany the way.

I am much more contented here
Anyway.

Closed eyed.
Forehead kissed.
Relieved and healed abit...
Or perhaps,
Just Dying.
I can't so much tell...anymore.

Magic Armor Raised

Break it.
Eyes sheltered behind glasses,
Staring.

Heart feeding and looking
Upon the "being shuffled around".

Her cat eyes are intense with absorb..
Her understanding as child observes
Mind numb from shock
After shock,
And voice meak to express what it can barely comprehend.

It

Is in the subtlety of the cracks as moments of life-lessons confronted
By fragile innocence to be no more.

Tucked away,
The beauty,
And how she is framed by movie scores for life,
The feelings painted in whispers
Or satanic drum and base-

Barely making a peep,
Or thrashing as wolves in the night to dirty streets, converse, and shenanigans, shenanigans! Let Live.

Meanwhile,
The strength grows
Like invisible armor.

Sometimes not saying anything because
A transformation is taking down in her avenues she always had,
To gift her with avenues reborn
For a different,
More suitable
Fate for today.

Gone formless
In order to be re-formed.

The shock and awe,
Still never quite so subtle,
As the armor forms

And teaches
Her the ways of the world...

"There are some dark...and there are some light; many many more, wolves in Sheep's "clothes"...

Take caution, looking carefully each encountered, in THE HEART, and in THE EYE...only determining after trust earned...
And time, the condition of their value, to your life"...

Ever still taking in...
But caution, caution,
In her steps..
Like a girl left to streets before she understands buildings:

I watch my journey, along the way...
Ever attempting from my leaving of home,
That I just don't lose

My Way.

Immortal Sting

Looking at your name
As I pull it up
From our last conversations,

I feel the heart break.
How you broke it so;
How I must have grown used to

Loving

This way.

And I am deep in the dipping knowledge

That
My love for you
Is how I grew used to

Loving at all.

Ew!
I just want to rid myself
Of everything I've ever thought it means,
And purge myself clean

Showers like Rains.

I don't like the way it feels around knowing
That is was never meant

But it kills you finally

And yet actually
Never will.

"Hating to love you"
Is actually a good testament to my willed.

But how can someone love something they've never known?
So how can I actually
Love you
At all?

And so, REALLY,
Don't flatter yourself...

That I would "hate" the ruthlessness of vampired action
And in fact,
My only love is for that which you take:

Her.
I hate to hate you.
Where power has been turned over
To the servitude of chest moves and positions on a board;
When pawns are forced to make moves based on the previous and the after.
Where unsuited players
Find themselves reluctantly moving
The first pawn- knowing

There's no way out
'Til the game, "she be done"!

Checkmate.

You thought you won,
But my blow is a sting of a lifetime-
Dull reminders and god-awfully lonely nights, oh yes, I promise you!

Check
Mate.

With dull reminders
And lonely nights.

And the challenge of a new game.
But not the promise at all,
That I can ever reimburse you from the fatal magic

Of our
First Game.
Shapeshift her Scorpion,

And Her Fatal Immortal
Sting.

The Invisible Match

Hands..

Capturing times of
Craving.
Sunken in pictures
That remind me...

&

Remind me
Of you;

And as a separate notion,
How they remind me of love...

Hands.
Where grips are nerve signals meant,
Where scrapes and scratches claw as passion
And where skin grazes in connection.
Where soft warmth may touch to a face,
Or scoop entire bodies up
To be tucked in- consumed.

Where nudges coerce "love me".
And winter times cold, like this,
So cold...
How hands,
Can keep us warm.

And I think of your hands.
How I haven't really seen them, but a bit.
And I think of how they'd feel,
How some hands just hold you,
In a touch as though holding the entire world.

And no...
It's not the same already.
The thought of you holding me.
Now that I've finally listened my self up to you...

But My hands that hold my heart...
Some invisible form I don't yet know...

I feel them like strength.
Admiration.
Wisdom of day labors, sun, headaches,
And writing.

I hold "these hands", THIS notion
As the all encompassing
Manifest
Of that which we are-

That which we will always be.

You never showed your hands to me, but twice perhaps.
And so what of you of your eyes?

And yes, your heart.

It's not the same because
I really did realize
Day and day ago...
Just in time's need to let you
Go..

That never
Had you put
Your hands
In the pot.

And I assumed your sunken heart,
Burgundy with rot and disease eating away...
I thought that was accidental only,
How THAT, dropped in.

And that's when it hit,
Illusionist,
No heart,
No hands,
No eyes.

That's when it hit.

It was never there.
Never in the same room.
Breathing in
The best
Of all lies.

Your hands
Meant something
Because they meant something to me.
Now I see,
It was only your illusion
That made them mean anything to me...

Difference is now.
Illusions up.
Hands are out.

And now,
I see,
What I need to you.

You never
Had a hand
At all.

You are not going to like this...

But I'm doing it.
Wrapping your heart up for you in a box,
Ribbon around...
And I'm sending it back out.
Yes.
Out to seas.

It's been over, well lets just say,
"A while now"...
And you have had so much of me,
For too long.

Just too long.
And today is the day..

It is done.
I don't care what you say.
I don't care!

It is done.
I'm sending it back to you.
And I will work on keeping you out.
Having already forgiven you,
Too much.

I forgive you into love eternal.

But not this way.
And you've done it
ONE last time.
And if I don't start with you,
Who better? Who more useful?
Than to be my show of 3 chances solo.

You've had over a year of chances.
So who better to make my example out of than you?!

I will find a way.
Boxing it all up,
No return address.

Since it is what you wish...
I will
Make you dead
To me.

Saying goodbye now,
So when deathbeds cross,
We'll both know,
I woulda been there...
Probably caring more than anybody.
But that at least I tried to make you alive to me,
When you chose death.

I don't blame you, King.
You're mine to keep.
And I always will...

But I'm sending your heart back to you now.
I only have room for one thing now.

And I am digging you out, after this.
So unknowing of the small thing you did, so titanic.
And so,
Letting me know

All that was needed left...
To send it back.

It will be floating to you,
Tonight.

Goodbye, my love.
Yours

Truly...

"Good Mornings"

The hair drapes over my shoulder
And clavicle..
Skin tight and bare contouring muscle there

She

Is yours and dripping.
Dripping her colour all over the floor.
Meshed in blankets as clouds covered so.
Fauny eyes...
Playful... Retreat-weary, as ever...
Heart, a vague mass, white pulse,
Electric charge, Aura a haven
When you lay in it's vicinity.

Imagination is all I have
To an empty drapery of bed
And window light
And you...

Nowhere
In sight