Self Love

I have been accused of many things!
Most of them by the people whom I have loved the most.
I find sometimes strangers see me better
Than these people whom I have loved!
Passive aggressive punishment
Lingering in their vibrations,
Like the vibrations of my mother.
I find these people will kick and scream their way out of my life,
Blaming and projecting the entire way...
I am trying not to let their truth
Dismantle my own...
Honor it, see it...yes...
But not let it,
Dismantle my own.
It is interesting watching people fight you to do it their way,
When it CAN be so clear that their way,
Isn't even working for them!
I see now though, that my power lost was in me not seeing this last truth all the time....
And more importantly,
Not acting on it!
It is only I who teaches someone how to interact with me...
And I see now,
Through these people,
That I have failed myself.
I have let them kick and scream in my presence; I see this now!
Much like letting a kid throw a tantrum and the parent never giving proper consequence.
I see now, that is silly!
To let someone kick and scream without consequence...
That is why I have watched them leave, many of them often to return, because the truth is,
I was good to them in my patience...
I, was not so good to myself however..
Nope, not so good in believing I deserve to be loved through kicking and screaming....
Loving through martyrdom!
It is a foolish and girly way to love...
And while I lived these beautiful souls,
With depth and compassion,
I finally see,
I had never learned truly
To love myself!
Being a martyr in love,
Is not love at all...
But now I see!
And if it were not for them,
I never would...
So thank you souls!
For showing me
My truest nature!
I am grateful, and happy, and I forgive myself,
And So I forgive thee!