Way back into Love

I wake up missing you,
Under clouds grey and some bright light passing through,
Wondering how the sky looks on your side.

I sat yesterday, and saw our signs twice;
SMACK, right in front of my face;
The guy sitting right behind me,
Literally had your name.

I can't help but to think you think it means I'm lost,
That I long for you, want to love you..and do..
Want to share something real and clean-
Not anything it already has been.

And while this one may make me laugh and take me away to gentlemanly estates,
And that one may be the one I look up to whom keeps me safe,
You, my dear boy,
Are almost embedded in...
In the door that they want to get in...
And I'm struggling with letting you go and them taking your space,
Because somehow,
Somewhere,
It's been you all along.

And I know you act like you don't care.
In fact, you just may not...
But how I long to at least know,
So I can let go,
If it's true that you do not.

I know it must be in something past lived between you and I...
And something thrill-seeking and challenging all of its own in this life..

But what is so hard about being a man?
Saying what you mean?
Honestly communicating.
If I were half the woman I know I should be,
I would not keep looking back..

But love, sometimes, we silly romantics hope for its miracles..
And I guess I just keep hoping
You are not this harsh facade you put on.
That your gentle love is more you than you just wish to share.

But I guess because I am not so much the same fool as I used to be,
I am here and you are there,
And we've lost what you never honored anyway.

You,
A brilliant, beautiful soul
Me, seeing it...
And I guess in all this,
How much have you really let on that you see me?
Care about me?

This, magnificent vessel endlessly creating from potential..

How you have not cued,
That you grasp even microcosms
Of this
Beautiful Creature that I am..
Unhumbly known there are few who can compare..

And in all your fading light,
I see you,
But you, in my Sun,
Can not see me?

Yes,
A stark contrast", as you say, my love...

Just like me
Loving a man
That is not being the fierce equal
That I know he could be..

Just like me
In the midst of fierce equals,
Still seeing those five letters..

One name.
I love you...

But contracts and karma
Bind us,
Until you learn
To love yourself,
Find the thing beyond who you think yourself to be..

And start abiding,
By that intuition...
And where it will take "thee"..

I love you..
Because we know eachother,
Tho this day,
This life,
You are still not seeing me...

But that doesn't stop
This eye,
From brilliant "in-sights"..

Because I see me,
And light, and love,

I know you,
More than you may ever,
Know yourself-

The self,
You may still,
Just deny.

I never wanted to say goodbye.
And hate, some aspect of this auditioning,
When I only wanted you.

But...
You're not here...
And I'm thinking you never were-

Always too stuck,
Too pitying,
Too prideful,
Too arrogant..
Too scared

To let him actually just love her.

Go love brokenly. Someone who will give you the world and snatch it away.

She will never be me.
And you may never know me,
For the universes
That you have yet,
To taste.

Maybe the man I miss is the man I knew so long ago...

And you seem but a ghost of him now.

That man once,
Knew how to love...

And in this world,
Love, is the only treasure.

Be not fooled by Man's claims; the Devil's, the Demon's whispering against it's power.

Love,
Is the only force,
That saves.

I am still saying Goodbye to you.
Missing you.
Loving you,
Hoping you,

Will find your way...

Back into Love