Three of Swords

 

My heart is not absent of love for you. 

  Let me correct the record. 

It is merely and just deeply 

      Broken 

And has to now bare the 

 Breaking of your heart, 

   Which might as well be re-breaking my own 

            all over again

For what now feels like 

 Heartbreak in threefold. 

It is a deeply dark place, 

Where I feel ruined and question my worth. 

Where I question love- 

It's havoc and devastation in my life. 

Why was I never worthy, 

  Of anything clean? 

Without abuse? 

Not even my parents to love me. 

and so maybe, 

  I am just deeply ruined. 

Choosing so wrongly in love, 

  had forged a path of flickering light 

    Demons, 

      and shadows of skeletons 

        Wrecking my insides. 

I never knew how to love anyone good for me. 

I never knew how to use my sight for that. 

I always just followed, 

  The deeply broken heart of mine...

and who it chose to love. 

It would ruin me. 

As I am forced now, 

To bare it all...

Begging for redemption. 

Refuge. Love. 

  Begging of a love I ought to deserve, 

but maybe God too...

  Sees that I am ruined now. 

Who knows really? 

But if I were you....

I would find a different muse.