How your Alcoholism is affecting me:
- Intimacy suffers: I find myself not interested in having sex with an intoxicated you. It turns me off, and makes me feel neglected
- I can not and do not feel safe trying to communicate with you about the effects of your drinking on me. I feel constantly turned away and unheard
- Trust is lost: I can not trust you anymore to do what you say you will with controlling your drinking. This has long term and lasting consequences on us
- It feels like there is no getting through to you about the effects it is having on our relationship. As I result, I am suffering in silence, withdrawling, and increasingly giving up on any hope I have maintained throughout this sacrifice & struggle to remain by your side and try to make this work.
- The alcoholic abuse and dependency is causing damage to my love for you. The pain I experience and the traumatic episodes force me into feeling like I have to make a choice, in order to protect myself, and my own physical and mental health.
- I feel neglected: romantically, emotionally, sexually. I feel disrespected and invisible.
- The communication severely breaks down causing perhaps long term, and definitely temporary damage on the relationship in the moment.
- I am isolated in dealing with these problems. I protect you and myself, from telling my friends our problems because I don't want them to see you in a negative light.
- Resentments are being bred by the both of us, as solutions and resolutions fail to curb your daily drinking and cravings
- You disregard my feelings around your drinking because you do not want to hear them. You most often blame the feelings themselves as the problem, rather than the drinking itself- a trait of narcissistic abuse.
- Your promises to honor and protect me are getting broken. If you are breaking them now on such a regular basis, how can I rightly move into a space of marriage with you, knowing it MAY only get worse, if we are unable to solve it before marriage
- I do not want our children feeling the way I do around your alcoholism: scared, neglected, overwhelmed, less loved, enduring ongoing trauma and traumatic fights, fighting to be heard, overlooked without resolve, coming second to your drinking, enduring "narcissistic & alcoholic" abuse, dealing with depression, anxiety, and over-compensation, dealing with isolating feelings, and god forbid, feelings of self harm and self blame.
- I do not want to go through these things myself either. Not just our children
- There is a parallel disconnect that happens when your soulmate and love is causing you harm and hurting you. A cognitive dissonance that traumatizes the relationship and how your love is experienced by me. It is causing a stain that is growing and like a poison to our love coming from an evolved state. The daily drinking undermines this evolution. It undermines my trust in you, and in us. It causes real world harm. It brings toxic tendencies into that sacred oath, and puts more battles on our plate. It also undermines what I want out of love, a healthy relationship, and a life with you.
- I am missing quality time with you where I don't have to manage or worry about your drinking.
- It puts burdensome feelings and weight on me and I can not enjoy life or our beautiful moments together the way I want to.
- I feel less and less seen for who I am. I feel less and less embraced for my own story and experiences and inner beauty. And it is causing me to abandon myself, my hobbies, my interests.
- I feel controlled by you, something I am sure you feel at times and something we can unpack together.
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