Faith Lost

 

Tired and exhausted from the holidays

Eating up the victories as they dissolve into mush. 

My patience is lost...

Lost in us...

Lost in the existence of familial perpetuated insanity. 

I had been patient and hopeful...

Against all logic and leaning into an unfathomable intuition. 

But I am starting to wonder what my life is without you? 

What it might be like to be consoled by you, 

Against the rough grains still splintering me? 

Driving alone, 

And wishing I could call on my old friend

Hear your voice, 

and fill the emotional void that has been attempting to fill itself. 

I'm not sure this life has gifted me anything worth living for. 

I guess along the way, 

I may have wondered if you could be? 

If us together, might make the difference? 

But maybe I will let that all go now... 

Since you never cared about me enough to call 

Not even 

  One call, 

Over a decade. 

Maybe whatever bond we have, 

  However unbreakable, 

Will have to die this reincarnation's death. 

Because I can let you make a fool out of me, 

Not a day longer 

However loved,

  You have been. 

It makes no sense at all 

  For me to remain here, 

Bonded to you, a ghost 

Long after your  passing.