The Retrieval

I can't imagine what has me so tired. 

I had hit the bowl...but I also slept in til 11-something Am. Tears come on out, as I examine the listlessness, and immediately feel the sadness that lay like an undulating body of lake beneathe. 

Looking upon it, taps the rings and effects the mass...

And this body of water seems to be sadness. 

I suppose yes, I do, have a reason to be sad. Though I scoff at it. 

I suppose yes, it's easier to be "mad"...

But it's only because I am "sad". 

I examine lately...

What ur means to love. 

What the word, Love...even is. In reality...

Not just ours...

And I find myself perplexed 

Save for the fact, 

That so far, what I have gathered, 

Is that "love" as we know it, seems to be this mysterious force

That we allow to govern us against and sometimes with...

Our "considered better judgement". 

I question these things: 

Is it chemical reaction to her? 

And subconscious & conscious programming? Is that all "Love" is? 

And even if that IS, what love is... 

Does that take away from it's enomole or miraclulous nature? 

Is love 

Need? And concern? Longing for? Feeling connection? Missing that when it's not around? 

Is love support? 

And the need for support? 

Is it this thing that makes us irrational? 

And one minute, can be the thing that allows great miracles to over, 

While the next minute...can be the bringer of everything horrid in this world? 

Love makes us Mad...in heart, in spirit...

Like "bonkers" mad. 

Madness of my soul-mind-body. 

I've been sitting here...

Examining my feelings over this..

Maybe because somehow they have finally erupted...

And maybe because I was too stupid to realize I set up home on an active volcano. 

I'm gonna get burned and scortched; that's all my main-line seems to keep taking me back to. 

Without communication...

I notice I do not feel loved. 

Given up. 

Maybe, that's why I rest. 

My sadness, has me, 

A little given up. 

It feels like a broken heart...

But it's all been so soon...

THAT... 

Is why I examine love. 

Because I didn't expect to walk up some of these days...

And feel this. 

These things. 

This way. 

It doesn't feel good 

Like this for me. 

I think now...

I'm just trying to retrieve

What I gave away

Or perhaps...

It was just stolen from me.