The Capturer: Jolted Awake

Wide Shut. 

Wide open- 

I smoke to ease the this that almost hurts in my chest...

You ever get "that morning anxiety?" 

The kind you wake up to and you're like 

"What the fuck?!!" 

The kind that hurts and knocks you awake...

And like a dog trying to communicate to you what it wants 

(Or needs for that matter) 

It's like "ah! OKAY! I'm awake!!"...

I notice my throat is swollen. 

Think to myself, "just keep taking the Chinese herbs, and see it through to the end of the bottle..

It's the "Golden Voice" formula. 

I think to myself, "better take some of the cough syrup" (I just bought from "them" too)...

The smoke seems to ease the riot reeking odd havoc in my chest...

But not so either... 

As I feel it in and out. 

I know there's a "shit ton" of things I wanted to do this morning...

But...

My mind can't really make sense of that now that my focus has shifted as my body-feeling shifts. 

I guess, I write, 

Because I want to see...

Understand....

Take that small moment out to be like, 

"No really!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?"

Heh. 

So...

As I write believe it or not, I gain grasp. 

I choose one word, each word, 

Out of millions...

Just as I do 

With identy..

Or life...

Or choice. 

And so now as a laugh (at myself) "HA! It all comes down to CHOICE....", 

I wonder if I got the answer I need...

Or If simply today, more will come...

Or if simply, 

I can choose, 

And it will all go away. 

A sore throat. A rott stomach. 

Pain in my "wings area"....

And smiling...

I remember simply....

That I decided to do some Reiki...

To help...