I have had to go mute.
To breathe in eggshells.
To silence my passions.
To thwart my joy....
As he does in deed steal it,
Belittle,
Ruin it all,
My moments of joy...
As if some inner turmoil can not stand,
A pure happiness...
It then has to hamper.
I have reasoned for a while now...
Staying in this hell,
But as much as he aids the support of my heavy burdens,
How often he has stacked them higher than his ego will face.
He has not rendered me solutions,
But rather arguments wrapped tightly in nights of dramas and being hounded enough
To run away.
His plays of sincerity are pushed for gain
Of my possession...
Professing it is love,
Whilst throwing it in my face and degregating the sacrifice and strength
It has taken to remain here,
Attempting to love,
Such a burdened and vile beast.
I have asked,
What of this is true love?
To be possessed so, yet rendered silent
To keep a false peace?
To be for him what he wishes,
While extensions of me wither under his every scrutiny,
Each branch of my own,
Somehow a threat to him.
and he fights it.
Anything to keep me.
If he was unhappy in this he admits it
Only to the extent that it serves him...
Unhappy enough to counter my own melancholy,
But never so much, he won't let this go?
and even now...
He pretends the words thrown,
And things said, are nothing.
No merit.
Steamrolls them all, to fit the delusion it takes,
To possess me...
While I cry and run...
And caught by him in a web of words,
Acquiescing through gaslighting and depressions
Heavy amongst his words of chaos.
Like a lawyer,
Who's tongue is slick,
And the salesman,
With all the charm...
I again will be made fool to others by HIS account
As he in secret
Makes such a fool of me.
Stripping me of my dignity,
And only as much as I have allowed him.
The repercussions, of which he will NEVER comprehend...
and I can see this.
Each time him convincing himself everything is gonna be alright.
Long ago,
Had he torched my heart...
A memory,
He will never recall.
No comments:
Post a Comment