Test me then.
For my honesty.
Do not assume I will spill all
in this name...
But I shall give you my answer.
What we choose to tell,
Is ours to choose...
But with time and vulnerability,
More comes.
With built trust,
That follows itself which it feeds.
Trust will follow trust.
Love will follow love.
Faith will follow faith.
Gentility will follow gentility.
Curiosity will lead.
Communication will follow communication.
And Compassion...
and so on.
This is how one starts.
One particularly, in your shoes.
We go easy.
steady.
Slow.
Authenticity,
and kindness
Are all that matters to me.
And of you? What matters??
And we will start from there, no?
If for example,
It is rejection you fear...
Then how might I make you safe?
I ask... "what can I do for you?" so that you do not have to fear rejection.
But it is vulnerable, is it not?
No....
I am not a man. and I don't quite understand such a fear in my state...
But I think I might partially comprehend it...
I have just been so tossed around hemispheres and paradigms,
I suppose rejection is the least of my worries.
Nonetheless,
If it were anything else,
Than I ask.
And we answer.
And we learn eachother.
and we start from there.
But this my love...
This will not do.
This. Absence of all.
This NOTHING
from you.
Most all else...
I have forgiven.
But you too,
I am starting to jade to.
For if not absence,
What HAVE you given me,
In all this......alllll this time?
Yeah....
It leaves me to wonder.
To wander in "the woman brain"....
Usually not a suggested route,
During durations of no contact.
BUT,
I am me. And not just any woman I suppose.
I can reign in the dark thoughts.
I can surrender to another's choice.
I can let go... as it is no stranger to me.
I just would prefer not to.
Not with you.
Delusional or incomparably connected?
I still question.
I still wonder.
It is easy to disbelieve.
Never mind the other things.
The reasons why and the walls that had been laid up between us.
It doesn't matter now.
But I will break into it all with you, I will.
If when the time comes to, it comes.
I am not afraid of that.
and if I was afraid, perhaps I am too naive to glance at it...
But no, I think with you, I am not.
And I wonder. I do.
How foolish this is of me?
To not be afraid of you,
After what was spilled.
But I am not.
Whatever that means.
No...
I think I just love you too much.
Secrets and all.
Whatever is dark there,
As long as it is past us...
As long as we can leave it behind...
I am not afraid.
No...
Of your demons, I don't know how you play.
I don't know what addictions or fixes you still relish in. Should I,
Be afraid?
Or could you love me,
In a form of loyalty, I would afford you?
Yeah...
No, I know...
It IS a lot.
A lot I don't know anymore.
Even more, to think about.
To dalliance in.
Even more to get lost to.
Are YOU afraid of you?
Do you think you could,
Shelter me?
Or too, would you have demons stripping me of the love I have?
A love I have long had,
For you?
In all I do not know...
Now...
So much time passed...
These are the things I still wonder,
Through the duration of still,
Your ceaseless haunt.
I know... I know.
It is a lot.
and it has been stuck in me for so long.
So I do.
I still wonder, my Darling Lost Love...
I still wonder about me and you.
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