Tuesday, June 18, 2013

BackSea's

I am reach up,
Reaching down.
Pulling for it to rear it's face,
As love slips from my tempermant,
And emotions fluster
And churn
The waters in me.
Silence.
A still-water sea atop,
But just beneath,
The currents pull the krill, torrentially rushing almost as madness.

The moments return
In deleted scenes.
They take backroads, winding me through for the most intimate view-
Up close.
Personal.
Tears.
Shades of grey
And plenty of black.
Sometimes greens, sometimes blues,
Sometimes even a flower or two.

All the things I yell to myself,
Trying to stay "positive down here",
But really,
Despising it,
Like a plague.

She's split.
Above surface.
Below waters.
Veil's & sheathes
Keeping Home,
Too many distances
Away.

Waves explode upon the shore,
Rearing up,
Crashing down,
And out in the backdrop,
A paddle-Boarder stands still,
Looking out,
To the edge
At sea.

I see
What he sees,
And stop to search what land we'd hit if we just kept going...
Into that Horizen.
Planes even,
Overhead

Island

Heavy. Secluded. Far away.
The veil in between worlds where here,
How we've forgotten our face-
Yours,
Mine,
Hers..

Colliding ignorances
Painted over filters
Placed cozily enough for Hell
To still feel heavenly.

The moments we see beauty pierce through leaves of shades
And watch "puppies"
Seem to be the only anchoring channels for things long forgotten
By our race;
Our kind.

I am tired,
And rest and bow my head down- feels
Like I've been taking care of people my whole life,
And the strength here is Jolted,
By the lack of love and truth
We allow and not allow.
So I just put my head down a while
..and rest.
..feels like I've gone off island.
..don't know why it wants to scream?

I miss my island.
My land.
Though I know I am here now still, on its coast.

...but
It is something about out...there...
And not here,
Amongst all the rest.

Nothing but Self,
And land,
Rock
& Water Blue,
Pele and Air..
Magic.

I miss her.
Her Magic.










Thursday, June 13, 2013

Shaking to See

So much can be felt in the hour right now...and I am adrift in it all watching it come and go..lost really...in the flow.
it's a little too free, a little too rampant,
and I
am scared.

It seems dark in here,
and I am trying to see if it is something I swallowed?

What did I swallow?

Chewing. losing.
it is dark in here, feels like no air..panics in strides, shakes in moments at a time,
nicotine feed, nicotine free..

I'm shaking.

She stares out the window, but glances at me;
I'm shaking.

What am I not seeing, Im shaking to see...
trying to steady,
sit back and pace and not be so antsy-
but I'm shaking to see. 

Trying to see
What really matters here..
Looking past what might seem to ONLY be...
I look beyond..

And..
It's Dark in here..
and I find myself now..
Afraid to see.

Ready for Charge

So...
It's like I'm ready to watch & watching.

Like..
Life has slowed
And somehow sized down to a galaxy viewable before me; around me
Holographs dancing something(s) for me
Waiting to be seen.

Time slowed,
And I,
Slow motion breathe
Against the watch-tower
Of a bustling station...

All thoughts transversing.
Watching collide.
Somehow the chaos figuring itself out as new cells with an agenda & journey..
They are
Making life.

And as chaos collides,
Somehow life forms sound ignite.
Somehow, things emerge from no where..
Suddenly...
Sense
Gets made.
From chaos,
Sense is made.

You can not have lightning storms
Without your clouds...
And I find myself storming now,
Furiosities emerging from beneath.
Things arising. Oceans pulling..and pulling back..
Ready to
Rip.

Something's ripped.
In me.

Torn, really,
And She escapes, this Dauntress in me..
Pele-Like
Wrath burning..
Discernment lesser,
Tensions riding in waves of water,
Emotion's currents-
Dare not take Her Baby from her;

Dare not
Take life
From
Her, here...it.

She burns a fire unearthly...
Translucent & flaming
All senses peaked and baiting, swaying..
Aroar aloud
From Aura solely..

The Earth Shakes,
And I'm just learning to Tame her;

Tame her.

But it is she that pushes me.
Refuses to let them win.
A Double me...

The real me.

And I'm just watching.
Rip.
Something Emerging.
But with furies that invoke too charged
A flame.
Dauntress.
Taming.
Pele-Like.
With wraths more shielding.
Something in her..

Ready
To
Charge.




Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Chances

Somewhere beneath your exterior,
Love me.
Find it in you to love me, show me..hold me, crave me...
Because this desert island contains only me now...
You in for an occasional chat...

Do u love me?
U don't stay to kiss me like you do...

Or care...?
You don't linger to find a way through.
How is it that on an island,
I feel like I am drowning?
How many ways or times can one thing be said?
"Love me".
Who are you?...

Big deals.
Small.

Drowning under big deals,
Small.

Subtle suffocation.
Subtle, subtle hues..

As words render fluttering,
Falling,
To the ground.
Where no home rests..
Not even in heart anymore.

I don't know you.
Feel lied to.
Big deals- small..
And now what..
Do I do?

Do u care?
I mean really, do u?
U say that you do,
But so did they,
And so do you,
And is caring so cleverly keeping your mouth shut?
Or attention pierced?
Is caring
Leaving me to suffocate?
Drown?
Suffocate...

I'm in tears...
From your caring..
Your love..
Lets discuss that.

Tears from the secrets, the sacrifice..did we know?
Chances.
To speak...
To move..

But it had gone frozen...
Chances cold.

Who are you?
And what have I done?

6am Tears

Early morning tear.
6am.
Awake and She's not here,
Asleep 6am.

Awake
And it all wants to come crashing down;
Stop-landing: the pit of my churning gut.

Everything's different now.

..different now...
And I'm trying to go back,
Or
Some other way...
Awake...
But I'm trying to do this awake.
Heart knocking pounds of air from me-
Too early for this.
But it starts.

I am on a merri-go-round..
Spinning, dizzier, losing..
Sight and blur blend
As I lose my place in the world,
Traveling over ground.

What place do I have in a heart like hers?
What place do I have,
And why is it lonely here?
Scary? Secluded? Imprisoning?

She scares me...
And I cry and tremble.
I don't know what I've done...
Or what's to become;
Cigarette lit and shaking.
What to think?
Who to be?
Cigarette lit and shaking.

She's asking so much more of me than I meant for her to...
Question is,
Am I doing the same?
Stomach growling;
Churning a dense air..

Words. Love.
Action.

Put your love in action, I beg...

Because its not easy here...
In this 6am tear.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Brick-walled Writings

Somewhere in a rip-roaring fashion,
I want to rant and bleed all over paper-
The way Poe did in drunken night stupors with demons flailing around his head,
And the way Van Gogh broke stroke to bleed out his warfare inside.

Living in a Stepford World
Where people go missing.
In a toxic dream, where truth will get you burned...
And ALWAYS,
A head turned-
Eyes on the person who knows..
"This isn't Reality".

If I could, I would burn this world down.
If it meant nothing,
And we could undo the still left to become.

I can imagine how every life, a prison cell.
Stuffing it all away,
All away,
So most of us stop seeing each other..
And til most of us are drowning alone in denials
Just to make
Another day.

I don't really know why it's worth it.
It's really not. Even the good;
Not when dreams are so free from pain.

...not when DREAMS
Are so free
From pain.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Veil's Storm

I'm lost. They pull at me, like children screaming; "Attention" "Attention"!

I can't even think, the world spinning, spinning around, going groggy-
Hazey & a cloud...
I can't quite make any of it out-
These sides,
Screaming!
Gesus Christ,
Fuck the screaming...
I'll get to you, I'll get to you.

And I want to cry,
Fall down to the floor and collapse, give up, there's no use anymore..
Tattered fucking dreams,
All a tease for silly, low-class little me.
Swimming against Rivers
Possibly of my own
Imbuing...
But these Rivers are like mountains,
And I am still only
And merely
Koi.
No feet of my land
As much I not have fins for my sea
When I need them...
No wings for the sky
When matter
And mass
Always shift here.
Earth here.
Tired here.
Trying not to be done here.

Maybe....

Maybe I will be.

Just another day
In the failed life
Of a universal missionary.

The Spin

The inspiration is burned from me;
I'm bleeding all over the floor.

Always. Back here.
Pretty
Floor.

Heavy, dark, and weary..
The burden tests
In rains of pains
And tinkers...
Tinker
Me shut.

Always looking over my shoulder;
Always waiting for that cut-
Cut me down.

Nothing comes without a question:
"Why?"
Without a reason:
"What?"...
And the good..
In waiting..
To be lost however retrieved.

I'm weary dancing this shadow death.
Weary pretending to believe.
Weary trying to be me, whatever that means, so others are free..

..just a little,
More free.

Weary.
In our heart- human toil.

We all
Spin out.

I see it.

And here I am...
Spinning.

Spun.

Spun.

I'm tired.
Awaiting
My
Collapse.





Saturday, June 1, 2013

Unchained

Take me; take me
Where Bethoven rips on English Harps
But time is broken in Astral travel.
It is a projection, dream, screen
We can see through.

It isn't real, but what we create of it.
Sending it out for return.
Breathing it out,
For return...

And riding the waves of wind and heaven,
Mother Gaia,
And all her hue..

I am on that boat on the river. Vining branches touching the water...

And I am in New York.
And I am where you take me.
And I am where we are, where we go,
Where we wind.

Natural. Already done.
Taking me...
Because I'll breath in that 70's charge of soul, relax down,
Blow out,
And watch the Bayou Banter of Banjo and old rhythm blues,
Play the most kickass mind-blowing journey...
Travel it, taste it, before we change the mood.

I need to leave this life behind; this world we run from...

And now,
I need to leave it
With you.