In Love & War: Our Buried Enigma

 

I will do 

    Whatever you want. 

I know. Isn't it fucked up? 

          It's worse for me. 

    

Harboring this secret that has grown in my chest;

This seed planted so ever long ago. 

  Every day, every moment, it grows. 

( and I can not stop it) 

  Everyday, the truth bares a weight heavier, 

    Inch by inch. 

  It grows heavy in my heart. 

      Weighs on my mind. 

The thing I dare not say out loud-

   Yet alone to my best friend. 

The thing I would love to say to you, 

   My readers, 

  But too many secrets I have already shed. 

"I am in love with another". 

What sense would it make 

  Trying to explain me and you? 

What good would it do? 

I do not harbor secrets well of this magnitude. 

  But for you, 

      I have, 

           of sorts. 

If ever there will be a day, 

   He will have to know....

      That weighs on me the most. 

But I have always loved you, 

   Haven't I? 

  as...

Relentlessly, 

    You have burned in me! 

Have you too, 

   Hated me at times for this? 

Hate to be at this mercy?!  

Hate to be so out of control and out of mind? 

No....

  My story of you, 

What sense would that make to any other? 

For even you, 

    Hardly understand. 

Is it possible, for us, to be in love? 

   Is that even fathomable? 

  Do we have enough built in, 12 years, 

      Two meetings...

    Is there sanity in this 3D delusion? 

Is there sanity, 

   in missing you, 

      So permeably? 

   Because I do.  

       I miss you so much more than I should; than any sense I can make of. 

It is not poetic. It is pure. 

But one thing is for sure....

   It is not Him I miss; not so much anymore.  

  It has long been you, 

       and that is so wrong, for the retribution 

  

           Of the one truth you taught me, My Love. 

"All is fair in Love & War".  

  I knew then, 

      What I know now; 

That you couldn't have been more right, 

   Or more prophetic, 

  Despite the fall that seceded your prophecy. 

It is a shame! A badge I wear on my heart, that I dare not utter out loud: 

  As you have ruined me, for him. 

  And He, has ruined us. 

     It is a secret I keep tucked away now. Void. 

         Sitting with it. 

        Harboring it. 

      Not knowing with it, what I am supposed to do. 

"I am in love with another".  

  It is a shame to him, 

      I can not confess to. 

As he would laugh me out of room. 

As you might, as well, who knows. 

  It is not much of a secret now, 

    But until tides spill, 

This is where my secret goes. 

 

   

Liquid Poetry: Autumn Leaves

        By: Chris Brown, featuring Kendrick Lamar

Liquid Poetry: Close

 

     By: Nick Jonas, featuring Tove Lo

 

Author's Share: A Message on Love & Divine Sacred Union

 

The Spiritual Journey, especially the Path of Love... it is not for the faint hearted.  However, we all expand, we all evolve, and we all have a soul crying out for us to embrace it. 

Love and Spirituality share this: They are NOT all LIGHT & LOVE all the time.  I believe this is a common fantasy we seemed to be hypnotized to.  

In fact, upon taking the Spiritual Path, which often intertwines with Love & HOW WE LOVE, one must embrace the complete surrender of shadow and darkness that resides in us.  It resides in all our pains, all our memories. It resides in our repressed and buried tears and deep feelings and emotions.  It resides in our unhealed wounds and in the programs we have acquired, especially those of personal sabatouge and self-degradations. These shadows MUST be faced, to get the lesson. 

So no....

Spirituality, & Love...

     They are NOT all Love & Light.  Those are just the mechanisms by which we heal; by which we "guide ourselves through the darkness", an image perfecting depicted in Tarot by "The Hermit" and his lamp.  Upon evolving, we graduate to becoming "The Star"; where all those lessons examined in darkness, where that journey through the "Valley of Death" has graduated an EXTERNAL  light guiding force to an INTERNAL ONE.  Thus...we BECOME The Star (Again)- remembering an ancient Wisdom, once they called her Sophia, and becoming alchemized into an INTERNAL SHINING LIGHT.  

I have gone through so many soul deaths, I have had the privilege of being initiated young.  This looked like crisis, trauma, abuse, and self-neglect, all that stemmed from "Childhood PTSD" (also known as "Complex PTSD").  Developed out of this was a neuro-divergent personality, as my mind had split too many times and in too many directions, trying  to understand the lessons contained in each "crisis of opportunity".  I had to endure too many "dark nights of the soul", and ego death became a surrendered goal each time.  

Below is a message that came across my social media feed this night.  Something told me to click it.  

 And as I relaxed my head back down into the pillow, neck and back aching from dehydration and lack of focused self care, I found myself relaxing to this "Consideration Meditation". 

This is for anyone out there, seeking to understand the sacred roles in Divine Love Union.  I repeat, that this journey is not for the light-hearted.  However, I have much faith in Man, and in our soul evolution, regardless of our atrocious mistakes and misalignments on our timelines.  We are all stumbling through life, the most of us.  I believe the only thing that heals these past mistakes, is acknowledging them and growing from them. 

I hope this message finds those that need it! Enjoy the short meditation topic and may it bring you some light! 

Thank you to all of my Readers <3

Namaste, Blessings, 

    & Goodluck! 

All My Love, 

    ARIEL 

Amongst the Ether

 

The anxiety is real 

   when I tune into you. 

Yes, I am receiving the messages

   you are sending. 

A million words want to flood and rush

   to comfort you, 

And none of them seem enough. 

You are with me when I lay my head to rest, 

  whether I can manage to sleep or not. 

You are in me, of every quiet and unmoved movement; 

 Sometimes in angst, 

  and any time I manage to relax afterall. 

I know your fears. 

I know your heart. 

I know you have secrets. 

I know you fear I will reject a real version of you. 

I know why you hide. 

  and...

You are right; I do not know if I can trust you...

  

   though deep down, I trust I can. 

I would reach out, 

   but it is not my hand...

and the dark thoughts takeover. 

  You responded not to me...

    ...but to him, 

   wondering if that at all is a testament to where loyalties lay. 

  

  I can not fault you. 

  I love you too much. 

I can only now, 

   as I ever have, 

   Hold you where you remain; 

     Here with me, inside, 

        and locked away. 

I am holding space for you.

In that home, you are laughing, 

  Free, 

   Bright, 

     Curious, 

        Enjoying life's little pleasures;

           Enjoying life's blessings and miracles. 

In this space, 

  You love yourself 

      An a way that unravels, and expands...

  Because you have finally tapped your well. 

In so many ways, 

   I know you so well. 

My distant flame, 

   Burning ever in me; 

       A blood that runs through us both, 

          and occasionally howls against the moons! 

I hold space for you. 

   (and) 

  If what I feel is any indication of some mirror in the other, 

  Then yes, My Beloved...

       I understand the tare at the chest. 

          I feel you as I always have. 

Tuning into a broadcast, I can not tune out. 

And I am holding space for you. 

  To see yourself through my eyes. 

     Curious. 

       Loving. 

          Impressed by a beauty that emits 

               Soul to soul. 

All darkness temporarily rendered void. 

  For I have eyes to see. 

 No...

We are not the dark things we resist. 

We are the choices we make. 

We are a vastness beheld by 

   "The NOW"- 

We are expansionists...

  Unless we get in our own way. 

This day, 

  The rain falls. 

      I won't call...

  But I always think of you, 

    Especially anytime the weather changes. 

Hold space my dear. 

   Take courage to your fears. 

  and maybe come find me, 

     If you still dare. 

I have gone no-where; not really. 

  I have gone no-where...

   that you haven't gone with me. 

(And) if time and space are a construct...

   Then nothing has ever, 

       Seperated us at all. 

Not since we took our initial fall, 

   together. 

 

   and so in love, 

  

I hold a space perhaps you refuse to hold for yourself. 

I hold for you, 

  That you will find and follow your bliss, Darling. 

Find and follow your heart. 

If not this life, I will thank you in the next. 

  We will meet again. 

But my Wings and Soul have always sheltered you, amongst other realms...

  and there is no difference 

      In this one. 

In Loving Regards, 

    ~Your Flame