The Capturer: The Nocturnal Journal

At 5:40 in the morning,
I catch myself running a hot bath, and adding lavender and peppermint oil to it to ease my aching body.

From some 2:30am in the morning, I have not been able to fall back asleep....
First falling asleep in some kind of bowing position with a pack of frozen fruit to an aching temple, from not too much drinking...
But maybe too much life, and not enough water.
So my bath is run,
And the birds are awake,
And the dawn peaks to love me, into this new day...
And the aching has ceased a bit...
And I remember how my reading today told me to focus on
"Harmony....Reverence...and Awe"...and I think about the word "awe-some" and how she uses it a lot without even realizing the depth at which she is expressing words.

The 2:30 am- wake-up-call....
Seems to be a regular thing since she has entered my life. And I think about that native-American proverb, how they say if you can't sleep at night, it is because you are awake in someone-else's dream...

Well and...
Knowing what I know...
I wouldn't be surprised if our souls sneak out at night to meet...

Knowing what I see, between
This one, and me.

And I can't lie, it's a thousand things tht are on my mind daily: goals to meet, ways to be, how do I accept, how do I move forward, how do I utilize time efficiently to accomplish the most with this life...and moving away from that battle I've always had, feeling like I am always entire races behind...
Then I think...about Hawaii....
And the tortoise and the hare....
And how both taught me, it is timely...and actually miraculous to slow down...and to do so in a way, where u are still connected to mother nature's vortex and "synchronicity".

I mean...I guess that's the lesson I try to hold onto,
As these some-thousand needs demand of me, to get on the ball...
"Life takes time" I said....
It seems true.

I don't have the means to pay teams yet, to see me through, all these concepts...all these business endeavors...all the assistance I need, just so I can "muse myself away" in my art...and for the world...
So I do that anyway, and suffer the errands that stack...a slow chopping away at them...but still never enough...though I'm challenging myself to NOT think that way....rather to remember...
EVERYTHING is on time....including miracles and assistance. And I'm working some things up, through or heard from myself and guides, I'm also slowing myself down.
I guess so its manageable; I already process so much daily...as has been brought to my attention. One reading with me, and they "have to process" for days....

I'm thinking...
That's how I think most moments, each day....
Then It sinks in why I get headaches.
Or worn out....IT IS a lot...everyday...
The only thing that manages it is my other side, my intuition...
Against the ramblings and the backbeats of thoughts, thoughts, processing daily.

So I take my bath...write a little, and decide to finally color my hair.

Take a few snapshots where the beauty screams "try and capture me", and somehow, manage to do my Internet thing before setting my alarm and napping.

There is something captured here;
I couldn't tell you what it is...
Something that seems to be harnessed by the birds who awoke early with me.
Something about an embarking dawn,
Met by entering summer.
A squanderable love...
A lot of dreams...
And the me
That keeps changing.

And since I have been losing sleep, since you've come in; she...
I understand the meaning of the owl,
As she constantly reminds me...

Of Nocturnal Rhythms...
And seeing through illusions,
And relying on my "keen senses"...
To get me through
That which will fall ahead!

Capture.
Off to work now.

Fairy Play

Fuck, I'm gonna miss you,
Already do...
Where'd my sunshine go?
My sunshine go,
In this cloudy day,
Where I'd find you...

But you are like a Fairy...
Fiery Fairy that can't be caught or seen
When I want...
But that sneaks up in me,
And plays with my spirit into Eternity...

Til you are gone
To come
Another day.

Dreams Anew

Now when I wake up,
The summer screams at me, through the sunlight bright and through...

And it screams at me
About Summer Love,
And maybe you...
Though I'm thinking twice,
Thinking twice.

But the Sun...
She is bright,
Raining all that sunlight through...
And there's something about how her light hits all things,
That makes me think about you...
Though I think twice...
I'm definitely thinking twice.

And it rains a summer blue...
Like the Spring In all things,
The bumbling energy gets us out, gets us up...
And I'm wrestless again,
Restless again,
But this time
It's not about you.

See I know,
We will figure
This thing out...
That's exactly what humans do...
But as the toils of work run about...
My soul longs a freedom,
And on to our ocean blue...
And on to my dreams anew...

And on to the days when I can play...
How so I long and I need to...

Not wanting anythings once it's dismay...
And on to my dreams anew.
And on to my dreams anew.

The Liklihood

Does he know how amazing you are?

Because you are bordering on,
The Most Amazing thing,
I have ever witnessed...

Do..
My senses deceive me?
I may never now.

"Summertime" Jazz and You

One thing They will say about me,
How I never stopped inventing myself-
How She was famous in her own right;
Like Bonnie & Clyde...
How she moved a nation,
With the flux of her understanding,
And the hope and Depression of a time,
Never lost,
In the incarnate Blues that was
When She was.
I see hookers on the wall,
Like an art...
Jazz mind, filling the soul-
Their soul;
Ours.
Drunken.
Drunken from despair needing refuge...
So we smoked our blues,
And lost ourselves in a time, where that seemed that was all there was
Left to do...

And now, generations down the latter..
We are only now remembering...
There is so much...
And so much after all
That is based...
On EXACTLY, what we do...

And now, more than ever...

More than ever!

So, me...I just smoke my blues,
And sink my silky self back
Into the sultry life that is mine.
I muse, that's what I do...
So I indulge too...
And teach others how to...
While yes...
Soaking up the lessons they so teach back, love back...
As the saxophone just spills
Everything,
All over the table...
Between you, and me.

God that sounds good...you & me.
Spilled.

Since I met you

Since I met you,
There is a taste left in my mouth,
That leaves other fruits benign, bitter.

Since I met you,
I have become captivated all over...
And all over again...

And since I met you,
I couldn't put my fingers on it...
But I was watching...
You were laughing...

I was surprised.

Then you greet me...
With those eyes...
And the sweet-sour, of your skin on mine
And I am taken to a dream, unaware, if you're in it with me.
I try reading you, most beautiful thing...
And I think that what I have is something,
Though barely scraping any surface...
Story-lines are traceable...
If you but stay, and trace them for me.

Since I met you,
YOU
Are the only one.
I've, sort of hated that...seeing our circumstance...
Or the possible push-pull of your words.

Since I met you...
A fear and love, take shifts guarding
An imaginary gate.

Gateway, my love.
Gateway.

And since...
Since all of this,
The little things that keep stacking up...
That indeed somehow mean the world to me...
I have written two songs from my heart...
A letter you may never get...
And poems, seeping...
And only to continue should indeed,
You steel away with my heart.

Since I met you,
I have somehow...
Managed to fall in love.

It wasn't long...

And that goes against everything
I do
And don't want.

And there's nothing
I seem to be able to do about it...
Except to just go along for the ride.

That...
And focus on me...
So I don't fall too deeply...

If you have no intention
Of Running with me.
Hell...
Let us Dance.
And Fly.
And love...

If you can.

Starry Eyes

You're In my senses;
And I catch your magic
Though I heed your subtlety said my love, I also
Heed you.

Your fingertips drape me,
As we pass,
And clasp hands...
As you sit beside me..
As you watch me,
Watching you,
And laugh, smiling...

Because my mouth is jaw open,
And my view, enamoring.

Your eyes,
Are like clowns putting on a performance.
Your words, however, honest...
Vulnerability dripping
In needs and "I-don't-needs"...

And am I "reading" you clearly?

You are real, and tangible...
And I back off,
Although I don't.
Because I can't.
And because I won't.

Until I have to.

Fairy Love

I will lay under the skies now.
Breathe up.
Take in those clouds that whisper low hums and buzzings of trees.
Marsh flats,
Or across universes anywhere.

She is singing, to me, the universe,
A face,
And I rise up,
Smiling, smiling,
As I greet constellations In my sleep...

And that lovely love
Encompassing me,
Like a hug...
Like a hug...
Fairy who steals my flowers.
Giant, who hugs me bare

I dare not
Fall in love with your face, though already too many glances hath I had...
Your eyes, brilliant..

And though I concern myself
With how much they look at your constellations,
I also gaze back, stunned...
Watching...
Loving..falling..

Stepping back once more...

So that I don't...
Fall...

I know...
Too much..
Know they, will never be, me...
Know I, could give you the world...
Know you,
Must want me, for me to.

But I don't know.
Falling back...
Loving my favorite, that smile...
Loving my favorite; those eyes, with that smile.

Do not take it, Fairy,
And break it fairy- I didn't ask for that.

Do not come like a thief, in my free night,
And take the one thing,
You can not return.
I beseech, little fairy...
Put my heart, right back where u got it.

Because I,
Already don't,
Want my days without my Tink.

Think, Ariel, Think...
Even though, everywhere I turn,
Suddenly, she,
There, is...
Think, Tink, think...

Putting it away...
Afraid, afraid...
Don't do this to me.

Bewitch...
I can't take another enchantment.
Another charm...
Your fingers, silky...
Your heart, a sky...I fly through...
In woman, I find, there is universe THROUGH you..

Slow.
Slow...
Slow...

Breathing,
It up...
The clouds, on my back, the night, solo...
With me under it...
The buzz...
And you...
And her...
And him...
And you...

The sweat that lays my hair,
Is from the burden of my love.

I know you do not see,
But I have been bound in chains...

And I will hide them,
So you do not see.
Hide them...
So they do not see...
Dance with them,
Abound and binding me...
So that it seems like it's
Just what is meant to be-
Illusion,
Dream,
Dance...

But really,
I'm just hiding them,
From your glance...

Abating time, restless once more...
Like loving you is wrong somehow...
When it has only been right.
Write.
Right.

I feel
Right
In your arms...
Never letting go...
Go...
To where one of us belongs;
Both.
Us.
But what is love,
Amidst fairies.

I fear,
It is fleeting.
Gamey.
Flighty.
Gone.
Too soon.

Falling asleep,
To their dancing,
Your charms,
Your smile,
It's eyes-
Fairy, that is so much mine...
But not...
Not...

For I am merely enchanted.
Caught, and spellbound...

Beseeching nymph I know,
To put my heart back
For which you found...

You have no intention to keep it.

Lay it down,
For another.
For myself.
Under this blood moon tonight.

Or tie me in.
Broken hearts
Break wings...

And I'm still healing, fairy...
So please,
Rest your hand from my heart...
Or hug me deep...
I can not keep...
I can not keep...
Without.

Free you, before I love you..
Go before I can't.

Hypnotize me..
That you are not as you seem...
But please little creature...
Do not steal my heart from me...
Do not steal this thing I need.
Do not.

I fall back...
Into the sky...
Away,
And far...
And u
And I let you slip from me...

Until you don't.
Or won't.
Or do.

Adieu.

Chords

Stop thinking about me,
If you can't call.

Stop pulling at my energy;
I feel it all.

Oh how, you in action,
No friend at all.

Stop thinking about me,
If you can't have the love to call.

Debut

Maybe the words are slower to rise lately,
As the music arises and rumbles,
And as the visions become spectacles I get lost in.
I get Lost in love..
In the music my radio speaks,
And the "where I have yet to be".

I'm rather enjoying,
My time,
This time around.
The dreams, are gigantic..
And they are close...
And I am almost there, climbing this steep mountain...but I can finally see the plateau...
And it is in walking distance now.
Nothing seems more right,
Than hearing myself on the radio.
Nothing seems more right, than emerging myself
In the vision
That is coming through me.
"Cuz we got the fire, fire, fire and
We gonna let it burn, burn, burn burn"

Change the channel,
And there I am again,
Being spilled over the piano's tears: "say something, I'm giving up on you"
And I watch myself drip...
Back in the memory,
When this song wrote,
What I needed to move on.

...and how I did.

This world
Is not real to me.
Where I am unknown.
Where I HAVE to work,
To make "end's meat"...

I know myself.
And she is already on that stage,
Dancing her life away,
With millions breathing up "the voices inside of my head", not trying to save me, or the "monster under my bed",
But rather,
Trying to save themselves.
I am a lantern
They flock to...
And I just need,
To show up, for them...
And for her, My Ari..
We need this.
Need this "intervention"...
Need me,
To show up

(For this debut.)

So it's always the "moments in between" that seem to contain me.
In them, is where I lay-
The true of who I am...

But I miss my stage...
And I'm ready to play!

YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE????!!!
"IM READY TO PLAY!!!!"...

I'm ready to do this thing, you've placed in front of me!
So lets make it happen!
It's time!