Only Atonement

 

I Hear your cries. Amplified. 

  In the absent howl 

On the eclipsed moon. 

  Lingering in the air, like static surround me. 

Dwelling in the in and out 

  As you abound me, 

And yet abide me not, 

  Anything tangible. 

 It is a visit 

   In my dreams. 

The poised appearance 

  Demeanor shifty; 

Your ability to meet me 

  Where so few can. 

A walk of worlds. 

  

It is the jolting awake at 3:30 in the morning. 

  The restless night, 

Funneling into me, 

  From nothing mine; 

This is all you. 

  Flooding me. 

   Why yet then, 

Will you not speak? 

I have been met by your absence, 

  and apparition of sentinel 

Lurking o'er me. 

  Your fears, 

I feel in me.  Your tears flooding 

  My own poised alertness. 

I, at times, 

  Feeling your swell. 

  and tonight 

And last night 

  As well. 

    Had I ever been able to make sense of you, game player? 

  Avoidance lurking upon you, 

As Demons benevolently whispering 

And you quite know- 

 Not benevolent at all. 

  Hadn't they detoured you out of love? 

Into the wrong arms and hearts? 

  Hadn't they wedged between us, 

Now silent and in the dark? 

  Hadn't they pretended you would be okay, 

Playing the rules by their game? 

  Hadn't they lied entirely to you? 

And don't you believe them? 

  What keeps you from me? 

Besides the obvious? 

  Yet you satiate yourself of 

Me, don't you? Won't you? 

  Tell me then? 

Tell me what I am missing. 

I am all ears for you. 

  and yet all I get 

Is this quiet heaving 

Sounding above me, 

You are a beast in the air of nothing there, 

Weeping.  

  Yet I know it is touch you need

      The most. 

My touch. 

  Come to me nervous. 

Shaking. Scared. 

  Come to me viable and raw. 

Let your secrets land here. 

  Where, 

 They always had a rock. 

Come to me angry then,

  But muzzle your pain, 

Long enough 

  For us to set the record straight. 

Long enough, 

  For me to stroke your temple, 

Long enough for me to love the fury

  Into something slightly more tamed. 

Whatever is is, 

  That is keeping you from me...

Just simply put it away. 

  

What good, 

  Is it serving you? 

When there is only one place you want to be? 

  One person you want to see? 

Who is more fragile? 

  You or me? 

  Because we....

We are not afterall. 

  We are not porcelain. 

We are forged. Materials of our choosing. 

  What fear can overcome you? 

Will you be mouse or beast? 

  Wolf or Sheep? 

  Can you shepherd? 

Can you release, 

 He in you, whom tells you "no"? 

  You have the power. Not the narrative the enemies have sold...

  But the actual power 

To do this "rightly". 

  Yet all I get of you... old friend 

Are your muted whimpers nightly, 

Perusing my space, 

  And my mind- 

Unwilling to let me go. 

  Is this how you like me? 

A dream. A mystery? A 2-dimensional puzzle? 

  A miraged vision? 

A chess board piece? 

  Does this satiate the demand of your ego,

To make a puppet 'stead of a real girl out of me?

Show up. 

  And Atone. 

That's what Holy Spirit revealed of you to me. 

Only atonement....

  

   Will cast you free. 

Nothing....

   Less...

Nothing! 

  Less. 

  Not one more lie. Not one step less of retreat. 

Not one more excuse. Not any more victim mentality. 

No more running. No more blaming others 

  For everything you readily engaged

No more. 

  

  Virtue. 

That is all you have left to save you. 

  Raw, authentic, vulnerably egoic-nuclear truths. 

  Cards on the table. 

Hands are down. 

  Your turn 

To show yours. 

  All other paths,

Just lead an escape...

Right back to 

  The Devil's snare. 

One way. 

  Atonement. 

But to lurk upon me, 

  With nothing to say?!? 

Confess! 

  Confess! 

Confess to her...

  What she long 

 and already 

   Knows.