Isis & the Sun

 

I miss you

  like the back of my hand;

An underbreath that pervades;

  A partial reason in each, spilled, tear. 

And I sat on the beach yesterday...

  Feeling the dichotomy 

Of you there with me...

  All around me...

and beaming from my own heart...

Radiant and warm

And the fact stark, 

  That you were not there at all. 

I felt the dichotomy of the beauty 

  Of it all, 

The dance between "you and me". 

 Wishing, 

   if only you were here next to me...

You would see. 

 And then I felt the ice wall. Stopped cold. 

I danced it all away. Out. 

Not just anything you or I...

 But everything you can imagine, 

I have been going through.

  I prayed under our Sun, 

And found Shamanic currents 

A Holy form of worship. Of Union. 

  Of Peace. 

I prayed, Reverent of our Isis. 

  Reverent and found my wings. 

So gargantuan are they!

  Blessed under our Ancient Sun.

Humbled. Personified. 

  Doing the dance...

The "right way". 

and I crashed. Last night. Finally able to sleep. 

A deep, long soak of more hours stolen. 

  But then I woke...my dear, crying. 

Just so full. 

  So full of you,

Underneath everything. 

I don't know if I can passify them, 

  While I wait for you...

Nor if I have the strength to. 

The strength for either. 

  But I guess that is what the day-by-day 

    is for. 

Wondering how I could rightly love another next,

  without telling them the secret at my core. 

Then shall I wait, and betroth myself to the Divine? 

Should I just give it time? 

 What it feels like...

   Missing you.  

Wanting to pen my body with your name.

  and declarations, 

Only more of the words over the years. 

What it feels like...

  Missing you like this. 

You say...

  I could call. 

But what good would that do us? 

  What reason I have to believe, 

You would pick up? 

What reason, have I...

To believe it would matter? 

  You never confess...

       That it ever does. 

Yet you breathe me too, don't you? 

Yet you can not sleep. 

  Yet you think about me. Obsess. 

But still you can not confess????

  

  and I wondered...

"Are these my "mourning" tears? 

    Or yours? 

Are they his? Are they all of ours? 

  Easily...

I can see this. 

Make no mistake...

  You are marked of me. 

And I love you for it. 

It, was not my doing. 

This....

Is just us. 

So, what would you have me do? 

But then, 

What I am doing? 

Dull now with the void of knowing. 

 With the words struck from heart 

    to paper. 

I can't tell...

  If it's a coming or going. 

So I sit instead, 

  In the swell. 

The beach was so granted-

 A worship of Sun and Ocean. 

Of Love, and everything in us Ancient. 

I stood with a tribe, 

  and we danced for Our selves, 

Our Earth, Our bodies, 

  but what seemed above all...

Was that we danced for God. 

  I felt free again. 

not wholly safe....

  But I found that spark of hope, 

and fanned her once more. 

 Like re-opening a door. 

and you my love...

 You were ever there as you always are. 

No matter how distant or far,

  I seem to carry you too. 

And I love you deeply. 

  Never having let go of you, 

But instead carrying you with me...

Every where I tread. 

  And every place I go. 

In every tear I render. 

  In every sigh. 

In every smile to myself like each joke inside. 

 In every absence...

Which has been many. 

As Osiris & Isis...

  So then have I loved you. 

Searching for you in every part of the land...

And never giving up hope. 

Her power I understand now...

  Was her love. Her unmitigated devotion, 

To her Kin, and her Blood; 

  To her one and only Love. 

As perhaps you and I have share, this tale. 

So many tales we tell 

  With our forbidden and broken love. 

A love of man. Yet. Under such skies, 

 I resurrected once more. 

And I wonder my love, 

  If when I shook the earth...

You could feel it? 

  I have since cried for three days. 

Taking restoration. 

  and isn't it odd....

You have never been nearer to me? 

Yet, like a gut spill, I can not control. 

Breaching. My love. 

  Breaching me. 

  

And I am just going with the swell, 

  And the pull. 

  I almost called. But something stopped me. 

I know you would call 

  If you wanted to reach me. 

So I honor you, 

  Here...

And there...

  In your stead. 

Loving you sweet man.  

  As once I always did. 

Loving you always. 

  and if this be it,

In all ways you need. 

  Little Gift of the Gods. 

Forget not who you are...

  That you may, 

Forget me not, your love, our Heir. 

Forget me not. 

  As I bind myself to our Earth. 

As I love you. Ever. And Forever. 

 Then honor this love how you must. 

And about face when thou hast the heart...

  Not then a moment sooner. 

For a love like this, 

  Can not be bound by the dark. 

And everyday hence forth, 

  When I see a sunflower, 

I shall be reminded of your Arc

  The man who captured the heart of a fae. 

The man who made love and war 

                 an Art.