I love it when you are beautiful.
When you gleam, and smile
at me.
I remember. Remember your gentle cushion, little offerings. Looks.
I remember the look behind your eyes, holding back....yet ecstatic, and bright....
The sweet innocence, of your tilting head
and slight gestures, perked up
Indefinitely.
I don't know what of it was for show?
What pretense you might have had to hold up...
To show up...
Much like me.
But I vowed in your space to show up authentically.
And I had believed you'd done the same thing.
I know what lays between us.
Yet I have
Rendered it void.
Not like I did with him, no.
No wiping or dusting away.
Rather I have made it so that it does not matter.
That we instead, have a clean slate.
I know, dear...sweet perhaps if I should but just
Touch
Your cheek.
Would it be enough to render you weak? As you know it would be in me?
You and I...
We understand the power you hold.
The power
To make me fall in love....
The real way...
Should you but just impress upon me....
Your body
In whispers
In confessions
In bleeding wet sheets of sweat
And anger
And love
Dampened all over
The bed.
I know we both know this.
You understand by now I hope...
That you can not hide from me.
Not by choice no.
But by whatever cosmic string has us fated to the other.
I know I daydream in fantasies...
But they, my Love...
Never really mattered.
Most of all I wanted was merely and simply the chance to love you...
The faint chance that you could let yourself
Let me.
It was never some future ideal I expected.
I just wanted you.
Knowing we could find what works....for us.
If you ever had whatever it takes
To stop pushing me away.
I have never loved anyone this way. Unconventional. Unbreakable. Forgiving past
What I know you did.
It hurt. But it never was enough to make me...
Quit.
My love refused to quit you.
It absolutely refused me.
Look at me. What ideal would I expect after what you have given?
That has never been what I have asked of you.
I merely asked you...
To be real with me.
I tried to ask you...
To let me in.
I was willing to chance the fall we'd already nearly been sucked in.
I was chancing it all, just to see.
Chancing what was left of me then.
It wasn't just lust. It was full blown curiosity, sparked by something matched in you,
In me.
It was the light of my gut made whole,
A smile on my face, when you....
When you once....
We're almost kind to me.
It was the reach, silent and invisible
Felt in my stomach and chest.
The signature of you...
Meeting me in bed.
However many miles you'd always been from me.
Whatever it was...
Seems to have been enough...
To indwell upon me a lasting impression.
Marked of brand,
Your ownership...
A quenching and salivating notion.
To be back where I,
Was always meant to be.
Ever was it in your bed.
You knowing,
You wanting,
To own all of me.
Maybe silly.
Maybe not at all, not.
Yet....
Both known the power of you.
What was beautiful....
How quickly it could fade.
The cruel intentions, played.
A love ruined.
Yet still....
It is the memory of your smile...
That remains.
It is you still being able...
To put a smile on my face.
Tears albeit as well.
Never think for a second...
That I didn't show up still loving you..
It was just simply something...
I could not tell.
But I saw it all....
Eyes and all.
Because I knew
some things...
Would never lie.
It is what I remember perhaps most of you.
Looking upon your face.
But it is not all.
I remember so much. As so much, I'm sure...
I rather let fall...
Right out of memory I'd have needed not to contain...
Because it was so much more important to me...
That I remember the bright of your beauty...
Rather than the shade of your disdain.
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