Dark Paradise

I guess,
its a good thing...

a "dark paradise"
that in this life, I have never been loved back
in ways to die for..

and to die happy.

This way, I can say, that while I have lost, and lost many,
I can move forward because I have loved enough, with everything I had
and fiercely-
I loved deeply,
and even into completion

and yet,
maybe the blessing is that
not as sweetly
have they loved me back;
they had not completion for me.

I was never protected,
but by the wings above me.

and though, she, my mother here,
has been the epitome of "thine" hell..

at least,
she did
what no man,
and no woman,
and no other but the angels
have done.

She protected me,
with everything she had,

as we went on embracing this dark paradise together;
and I had no idea
how much in her
I lay.

She is me, weeping. gathering up strength she'd barely ever had.
Living in a world that would deny her,
everything.

everything.

and with me,
she grabbed my hand,
and kept a foot...
even when i was weeping and tied to the ground,
not to go on
another day.

I blamed her,
for the dark paradise that we bore together.

and now i weep for us both,
as i take her hand and search for a way out,
still, with no promises that i will not let go.

I already have.
wishing for death
like a sweet release into a paradise i once knew,
that resembles nothing here..

only barren ash and pain compared to what i was born from.

how do i muster the strength to keep going?
accept that simply,
I

just
must?

For her.
for myself.

For the Ariel, that was never let out of her room.

I must..
i must...

free us all.