They Tried to Shame Me

 

They tried to shame me, out of my worth. 

  I did not relegate my speech to niceties, but rather, I stood at the edge of the Alamo, and I rang the alarms. 

They tried to shame me, for the pain I endured. Never mind my perpetrators, for I was an angry girl...and that is all they saw. 

They tried to shame me, while friends whispered behind my back, jealous with envy, that I dared to use my voice, as God had given me. 

They tried to shame me, for calling out my father's abuses, for choosing for myself, for shedding feelings of rejection, when I was just a person, who simply needed love. 

They tried to shame me, without ever looking in the mirror, or picking up the phone, and asking WHAT I needed, and if I was okay? 

They tried to shame me, as they went on to perceive their ignorance as truths, no matter how halved, no matter how false- Ego their only subterfuge. 

They tried to shame me, while they pled that women's choice matters,,but took away everyone choice in 2020, right before our eyes. 

My life, 

Was like watching God bleed out 

  All over the floor. 

I never understood the rottenness of man...

Until I met my dad's cowardice. 

Until I died a thousand deaths alone. 

Until I lost everyone and everything I ever cared about...

Until I finally lost all will 

  To live. 

I never understood... no matter how hellish it ever was, that it would only become worse...

Worse with age...

Worse with the generations...

Worse in godlessness...

Worse for compassion- nearly obliterating all. 

They....

Tried to shame me. Because they needed me to be bad, to be wrong...so they didn't have to be. 

They needed me to be snide and self centered, so they didn't have to look into their own reflection of those things within. 

They needed me to hang...so they hung me. 

Never mind, I was just a little girl. 

I was just needing love to fill up all the broken holes and wretched chasm's 

That raped, ravaged, and raised me. 

It never dawned on them, to simply just take me in their arms, and hold me...

So I could cry...

And cry

And cry....

So I could heal. 

No....instead they shamed me. Stripped me bare before an audience, naked and shamed me for my body and the spirit God wouldn't let anyone break. 

But it shattered. 

And God alone has helped me gather back my broken bits... one by one. 

And they will never know, 

A life like mine. 

Fatherless, already beaten. 

Motherless, due to use and abuse. 

Worthlessness...

Because even they, refused to love me, before even

I could speak. 

Now I speak...in a lonely world. One...you may not understand...or one you do. 

But I speak nonetheless...

Because I am NOT worthless...

Without you.