The Painter

If we can, there is a picnic table 

Dripping with excursions and promises, 

But I, bemused, 

Lay myself down today...

To what I ask not anymore of, from certain things. 

Soaking in a bathtub, 

And cloaked with gown, 

The water is raining in ceilings high, 

And I choose, I choose, 

To walk the night sky; 

I choose, I choose to put this life down, 

And walk in the parade of "crazy town". 

You beckon me, then deny me on the grounds that I'd ever respond,

And if this is life, then I am in crazy town. 

Porcelain, paint, and words, with coloured hands, as she makes a mess of what's inside, without. 

She...walks away, then leaves, then returns and means, 

To turn and go again, but can not. 

He throws her out with the dogs, but watches her walk, in the farthest distance, turning around, she considers walking back. 

And black, seems to be oozing like charcoal and tar around hearts here...

She knowing, 

Stays with the demons, to live him and be loved by him; 

He throws her out again with the dogs, but Not before bringing her in for a conversation. 

That is the world she lives in. 

But she knows she can walk away, 

Any time. 

Or so she tells herself. 

Or so she says. 

Winged Sky

Darling..

You drive in me madness and craze- 

The kind that seems to ride some tight-ripe of Heaven and Hell, 

But Hell moreover, 

Where I wonder if burning 

Will give flame to an arisal 

Born and become forth. 

"My only love sprung from my only hate"...

As I watch her banter back and forth, 

almost becoming as two, 

Over you. 

She fights, like a tornado would the plain's houses it has nothing to do with. 

In It's nature, 

It destroys 

By existing alone. 

In her nature, 

Shadow exists like riding fine lines on all things.

And my fuck, 

I love this man that burns like Christ, 

For and against the land and it's people. 

And I burn as well, 

But it is not persay, having to do with him..

Or it it? 

And my love...

My god, 

Is gone...

Needing to be kissed like Envy, 

And sank, in floating arms 

And waters smooth.

 

I hear, demons along side angels...

Am I?

And I love him, 

And I am apologizing all around, aren't I?  

All along..

Mostly to him, because somehow I feel dispised, 

And am I? Or must I? 

As dreams die with breath, 

And in deathly dreams we die, 

And in you, my dearest love, 

I hate you, and you know this, 

And why does wrong feel so right, 

Oh past arising like being loved the wrong way, was right?...

And I, am a vampire as well. 

Yet, wings I have, that beat, and ache, 

They ache, 

Like my chest 

Over this time here on earth. 

And you.

Because I choose, and I always have, 

And no, 

I know, I don't. 

And smiles. 

In the Distance

Hark, 

Thy longing endured, and denied, 

As I see by the weep in his eyes, 

The nay in his brow, 

As believes he, unworthy o' so fair 

A thing. 

Between veils, blankets, and dreams, 

We lay, like two hands with glass that cuts our worlds in two. 

I think I am seeing you, 

And your five-fingers pressed against cold see-through, for me, 

Yet, not I can know, 

That on the other side 

Of the glass I stare through, 

If it but mere, 

Projection. 

Darling, 

In my heart of guts, 

I feed you and 

Feed on, 

And simply madden, I am with no seperation at all, 

Yet I see by how you live, 

You might as well not exhist, 

You are so far from me, by me, 

And in who I am. 

I think it by mere consequence of the stars, no coincidence at all..

The distance calls in whispers I've heard all my life, 

And then in ways never before- 

Something plunders and calls to me..

Winds, fierce and call in all their transitions. 

All Over

She...

Is this thing, this tiny gigantic thing that reaches up out of now where...

Nowhere at all...

And breathes

Life. 

From nothing, 

There became something. 

From no thing, 

There emerged ruptures of raptures, 

And colours, 

And life and breath, 

Like passion and making love, 

To undisturbed sequences in melodies of stars. 

She Burst, 

I swear to you, 

Life becoming all in one eminent motion, 

The birth of thousands of galaxies, 

Love spilling over, 

Over, 

Over , 

Everywhere. 

And death being sweeter than anything thought before, 

As she arises high, 

Before descending back to body's width and returning home once more, 

Where indeed she may 

Spread..

Spread all over the dark and light of existence. 

My idol sings songs of the devil, 

But I see the divine, 

Making all clear again, or so I tried...

Laying back in bed now, 

To sleepless dreams and long melodic lucid nights 

Of escape, running etherial, 

All over. 

Needing love, but she's found it, 

On the inside like coffee...

And hands, in gestures of painting and hugs. 

Like eyes, and glances, and love til death, 

And love to life..

And like miracles. 

All over.

She trapsed all over...

And gave thanks to the mother that raised this wild thing 

While cutting her loose 

To a world she'd learn from. 

Goodbye's are only fair wells. 

And I am only 

On my way. 

Looking Glass

I am falling apart 

On the day the rest of my life will continue. 

Words want to flood, like zillions of becoming expressions, 

Before death abides my aching body. 

Worry not.

It is not depressed that I am, 

Rather realized. 

Matter melts and my wings are torched, 

My flames taking over everything including my heart, 

As I am head up, 

And facing the sky. 

Arms stretched...

Into the I AM. 

Life is fragile, while we walk by. 

And she lives a silent death

Yet ruptures in songs and storms 

For the Earth. 

In it, 

People like us, die...

A silent death, 

While screaming all along. 

A Partisan 

To what death brings to our eyes. 

A pardon....

Of everything passed. 

The Song Jay

My mind sits to pick apart 

The every obsession and element, 

This man takes over in my life. 

I eat up his TV SHOW, 

And say it's good for me. 

Compliments slip...

And I can't tell what he wants from me or what they mean. 

I try to take time for myself, 

Especially when he enters my life. 

Because love becomes with him, 

An eternal waiting game. 

And the air, grows a chill, 

Like this time last year... Close to when he reappeared. 

And I have grown a distance more internal as I am suck back into myself, 

Processing, 

Processing, 

Processing. 

His words are turned over, everything I can remember. 

Cruelty, spun in non-threatening manners, 

'Til, I am crying and another year has passed, 

Of disregard and loose tongue's that ought rather to be sown shut

He, is a man, I love stupidly...

As though to do so 

Disregards any love this thing, myself, 

Ought to have turned inwards. 

Nevertheless, 

To love him not seems far harder a fight than to love him as relentlessly as I do. 

And yet, to be anywhere near him, 

Seems a fight too. 

And it is a joke, I think; cosmically for and not against me...

As I endeavor to sit, and pick 

Apart what had happened to me, 

Since he has entered here. 

Who have I become? 

What does it mean to love? 

What are expectations? 

What are mine? And his???

I laid in bed, 

Attempting to let the words sink; 

Wanting them too. 

"You need to let me go, Ariel. I'm an asshole". 

They bobbed there instead on the surface. I felt the way my mother's eyes look when I have said something over her head- everything in his sentence, 

Was over my head. 

They bobbed there, 

And I laid there, 

And from nothing, tears spilled, rolling down my cheek. 

What could I say to a truth I knew was right, but could not understand? 

And he laughed. 

And I loved him more, like some sick joke. 

And he is always gone, 

Where all I want is the company of his heart; a thing he claims to be poisoned and rotted away; 

His words echo, echo...

"Clown"

"Bitch" 

And his slipping slow changing tone as he uttered 

"I don't want to hurt you"...

Because I could feel he meant it. 

FEEL it..

I could FEEL...it. 

The love, there somewhere. 

And the sad truth, 

That he would. 

He knows he will...

And he always has. 

Still, 

Call me crazy, 

It has been three years, 

And we have come this far. 

Far enough for him to show me kindness, a softitude, 

Where before there was nothing. 

Still...

Loving people like him, 

You never know which part of what they show is real. And even when you think you do, 

They may try to trick you; anything to win the hand at power. 

He doesn't see he has been playing chess with a mere bird. 

What power could he possibly need to wield over me, this life of mine. 

Simple. Just here for the company. 

Needing only that, and a finger or two. 

The Surrender

There is a shadow of the night, 

Come to take away my soul. 

So I take another pill, 

And guzzle down, the pain with the water; 

He seeks to steal 

What is lost, and now lays awake at night. 

I love him...

Teeth fierce with fury and wounds..

Entranced, 

I lay, 

To this shadow in my bed...

All looks enticing 

And I watched as my organs bled, 

To see if this vampire to the night, 

Could grow a soul, 

From where love has been spilled out of my blood, 

And into His mouth, 

And Into his heart...

For something innocent once more. 

Why would she risk her life for a Demon? 

Why would she lay down her sword, 

And instead crawl into bed, waiting, 

This angel, oh once Divine? 

Maybe the ways down here, have turned her, indeed to understand too much a demon's fate. 

And while she says she will never become one...

She lays wondering, 

If it's already too late. 

The Barter

It is my own fault, man..that I believed in you. 

So as I roll over to get myself up, I think on that...

And stand. 

And go about...

Trying to balance, 

This life. 

Dark Paradise

I guess,
its a good thing...

a "dark paradise"
that in this life, I have never been loved back
in ways to die for..

and to die happy.

This way, I can say, that while I have lost, and lost many,
I can move forward because I have loved enough, with everything I had
and fiercely-
I loved deeply,
and even into completion

and yet,
maybe the blessing is that
not as sweetly
have they loved me back;
they had not completion for me.

I was never protected,
but by the wings above me.

and though, she, my mother here,
has been the epitome of "thine" hell..

at least,
she did
what no man,
and no woman,
and no other but the angels
have done.

She protected me,
with everything she had,

as we went on embracing this dark paradise together;
and I had no idea
how much in her
I lay.

She is me, weeping. gathering up strength she'd barely ever had.
Living in a world that would deny her,
everything.

everything.

and with me,
she grabbed my hand,
and kept a foot...
even when i was weeping and tied to the ground,
not to go on
another day.

I blamed her,
for the dark paradise that we bore together.

and now i weep for us both,
as i take her hand and search for a way out,
still, with no promises that i will not let go.

I already have.
wishing for death
like a sweet release into a paradise i once knew,
that resembles nothing here..

only barren ash and pain compared to what i was born from.

how do i muster the strength to keep going?
accept that simply,
I

just
must?

For her.
for myself.

For the Ariel, that was never let out of her room.

I must..
i must...

free us all.