Rusty's Surf Ranch

 

Rusty's Surf Ranch 

He saturated himself in me. 

 and I don't know, for how long....

But it certainly seems like the answers are given. 

and I think back to that time. 

  A time I blocked so much out 

And a part of that, was us saying our goodbyes. 

Reeling back then, are our memories. 

  The memories of us having grown close 

The moments of intimate nights, 

  And you being the first thing I saw 

In the morning, grabbing a coffee 

  Before clocking in, 

And looking at the beach, 

  With you by my side. 

Nights, of music, and friends- 

  Flirtations leaking of smiles and eyes...

Nights of long hours worked and insane shifts survived. 

You were my peace in that chaos. 

  A steady yet growing burn. 

I remember now....

  Just a bit...

In the darkness of our urn...

  You, leaking through

Eyes telling me what til now you never said. 

  And now I wish I had every memory back. 

Every Glance, and sparkle in your eye

  Each time you'd smile, or smirk a crack

Something that seems hardly fair. 

  To get back,

What I shut down in me...

Probably the day we said our Goodbyes. 

It was a closed door, 

  On something grown and watered 

Whether we meant to or not. 

I can regret nothing....

  Accept for the memories lost. 

They were feelings in my soul, 

  Each time I saw your face. 

It was a feeling of being home, 

  Even though it wasn't my place. 

So we...

  Just loved. 

That much I do remember. 

No labels but glinting eyes. 

  No matters but respect and honoring what WAS ours. 

You gave me friendship. 

  True. 

  Because THAT MUCH, YOU COULD do. 

And I had always loved you for it. 

  Seems a shame though now....

All those beautiful moments and memories, 

Lost to my mind. 

Now I only have them in glimpses, 

Because I didn't know I should keep them, 

  Filed and tucked away. 

Keep them safe and close. 

I would have honored them differently, 

Had I known. I would have cherished and kept them polished. Every last one. 

And I know now....we can make so many anew. 

But those days with you meant so much...

An endearment I never told you. 

Yet when you left, I must have boxed it up. 

Knowing I was never yours to keep. 

  I remember my heart closing down a bit, 

The moment these notions sank. 

 And I must have...

Tucked it all away. 

But tragic of most, something I never intended

Also, tucking our memories too. 

Had I known my love....

  I never would have. 

I would not have boxed and retired our friendship to the attic. 

  Our memories. 

Our love. 

I would have held on 

   Tighter to you.