Lovesick Blackbird

 

I have to forgive myself 

 for the heavy & tangible weight 

  Of all this; 

Every Last bit. 

  The strain is eating my aura alive. 

The wear and tare- the juggling

If I do not shut down, 

  I will implode-

and there is nothing worth loving there. 

The healing is dark 

  and waringly frightening. 

The ego and fears snap 

  So loud, 

I hardly hear God's voice or my own. 

  There is a distant voice that reckons me....

A grounded char 

  A Deacon in his tone. 

The gravity of his words

  Grounding me down. 

  Because I can not see in here, 

Where I have flown. 

A cave of tangible shadows 

  Echoing ghosts and traumatic blows. 

I shake it loose. Try to. 

  Try to. 

See what he see's 

Very tangibly terrified 

  at the love that stands before me. 

Gone cold and gray, 

  or so the mirror had shown. 

Frightened to death, 

  Of what it all means. 

Two worlds apart, 

  and a hell of mine he does not know. 

New love, 

  A flooding catalogue of questions 

I now ask my heart. 

  Still born the heavy weight 

Of what it is here I know. 

 Shaken to my core. 

Is this what they feel, 

   By me? 

  Shaken so extravagantly, 

That we can't know our right from down...

  I did absolutely everything today 

To keep from spinning out. 

  But I couldn't, 

Just couldn't fly my way out of the cave. 

Yet by chance, some echo of his voice 

Set the tone, 

  and I found my way. 

Shuttered still, 

  And dizzy so

I feel sick in gut and wrenching 

The shadows stuck 

Just a little too much 

Before 

  I could halt 

      Their raking.