Dear Therapist,
If you would have known,
what I have withheld...
You would have told me a few things.
"That does not sound healthy". For One.
"That is really concerning to hear, Ariel".
"I am really sorry you had to endure that".
"Nobody deserves to be talked to or treated that way".
and so on.
It IS sad.
But God provides a way I suppose....as I had sat for months in the gestative knowing
Of an incoming and impending collapse.
As I sit now
In a final aftermath.
Ironically I am no mother,
but I feel the weight of motherhood as I juggle the loss for our felines.
They will miss him...
and it brings me to tears.
As yet, His two whom I have adopted,
Will feel too unfortunate a loss,
Of their mama....
An irreplaceable love...
and their fate, with all of ours...
Hangs in the balance.
As I wake and stir, assemble my day,
Around caretaking and meal making,
Around house cleaning and yard raking.
Around animal feedings and an overhaul
Needed in every room
and every corner of this house-
The responsibility now lays
On me.
I am no mother,
Though I might as well be.
Mother to my mama. Mother to me.
Monitoring her liquids, blood pressure and needs
And just as such...
I am no wife,
But I feel the chaos of divorce.
Breaking the families apart.
Getting a purely fresh start.
The weight now of all burdens rested at my feet.
A to-do list in the hundreds,
Between this house, my mom,
and me.
It is scattered too,
In every pile and every corner
Of our belongings, coelaced.
In an abandoned home by me.
In the tight-rope walk of unraveling
What once bound itself as one.
This does not even mention the feelings,
Lit & now drying on the clothes-line.
Or those emerging
Bubbling
To surface.
The clear days, and the foggy roll-ins.
The revelations
Conversing in old freedoms
I had laid at his feet, now flowered once more.
Something as small as my photography;
As Gargantuan as my autonomy...
They rest in me now. All existing all at once.
Swirling up to a duty now of observation.
What is scary, which sits in my chest at my heart- a feeling of angst, at the unknown...
I let it sit there and gently bark.
Kicked up now,
A dust storm of mind...
but I head straight in, A White Buffalo
First to emerge
In what settles.
Steady and shakey,
Stamina low, walking off the achy
My heart has never been so Right.
Steady with my Eye.
Aligned, and lined up.
Head down, facing the pelting sands...
I am not quite as worried anymore,
Because we will be the first to reach
Our promised land.
And it is just
On the other side
Of this storm.
No comments:
Post a Comment