Limbo & Chaos

 

I was not going to tell you....

  That I needed to cry. 

I said, instead, that I am drained. "I need to process." Did I even utter along that vein? 

I did not tell you, 

   that I need time to think about things. What I sent somehow already set off alarms...

  and they weren't even the truths I'd have preferred to iterate. 

  You do not want me, to have this space. A threat, a threat, to your confusion of domain, you keep me wrapped up and reigned by. 

So no...

  I did not tell you that I need to listen to music, 

      and be alone...

  To process and to cry. 

I did not tell you how heavy my heart is realizing the lies.... their weight setting in...

  In the space when you are away from me. 

I did not tell you, that I do not trust you here anymore....in my space. 

   But you sparked up as if you knew I was getting ready to make a break. 

I did not tell you. You did not care. 

  You said you were coming over anyways. 

 What boundaries are there? 

In limbo, I have anxiously awaited...nervous and scared. 

I do not remember what I said, much after that. 

Just that you yelled and blamed YouTube. 

  YouTube, for putting ideas in my head. 

  I confessed that You, confessed to me, 

    What long I'd needed confirmed. 

He knew what he was doing. But played like he didn't.  He knew. 

    But the whole relationship, 

        He blamed me. 

It sank. 

  I guess if ever there was a last straw, it ought to have been that Wednesday. Really maybe a Wednesday 4 years prior. 

  You made me promise to tell no one...

     What happened. It wasn't much. Just the last reflection of your proposal, facing its own failure.  

  You cried. Had a nervous breakdown. While I flied to remedy what you had lost. 

   Doesn't matter anyhow. 

        You won't get much for the Cost.