The Blackened Heart

 

You have blackened my heart. 

  My Day. 

My Moments, stolen from me. 

My peace ruptured, replaced by 

    pain, confusion, dissonance. 

You are fire in an enclosed space, 

  Desperately sucking up the oxygen I need. 

I have been obedient, while holding an umbrella over my heart. 

 Eyes leaking, heart submerged and might as well be drowning. 

I do not know you, here, where you meet me anymore. 

I do not feel it when you say "I love you", knowing all it takes is a perceived slight to proceed a quick blow back. 

"Taking it to the chin" as you say. 

I thought today,

"If I can't even go a car ride without ruining my makeup by being in your presence"....

 ..."then what is this really?" 

and I thought so much more of course, 

  but you will not have it. 

You will not listen. 

Even though I tried. 

Even though I keep trying. 

But it shows itself, in vain. 

The trying won't stop this. 

It won't stop you. 

Chances given again, and again. 

  and it is lost. 

It lost on you, Sabatour so "smart". 

It seems, 

  it was all 

 

Lost on you. 

I....

Can not be your eyes. 

You will not let me guide your sight. 

Your anger seethes and seethes, and my body feels the fear. The shaking. 

But I don't feel the love anymore. 

Just the numb conclusions and the echos of the aching, 

As I have been through many stages of mourning us, for a very long time. 

It is a toxic love. 

A little barbaric. 

I'm here at the center, 

  observing it unwind. 

Umbrella over my heart lately. 

  Stuck out  in the storm.

And it is lonely. Bone chilling. 

  Cold. Wet. 

    and Traumatizing.

Under my drenched umbrella 

  and blackened heart you have left me with.