Psychological Battery

 

I just want privacy now. 

 Privacy to write, and say, what I really want to say, without the threat, 

  of being caught. 

Without hiding and tucking away these fertile emotions & thought

that may indeed 

Have something to say. 

I see how you will not let me go, as your promises drown in every new reach 

For a shot. 

You promised on our four years, 

That you would not. 

I begged you for four years, 

To stop. 

Telling you "we would not survive this" if you do not-

it was not complicated to foresee. 

I knew it was abusive. 

But I loved you. 

and I fought with you for your soul...

  but instead you took mine for your own 

Consuming everything good, some of it only accidentally. 

Something has changed. 

I am only half here, half out of body, flying free of the spirit realms. 

I am only half here, 

  if that. 

This would be the last promise you broke over and over again. 

This would be the last time I begged for you to hear me- to WANT to hear me. 

This would be the last time, I tell you that you are killing my love- setting our promises to each other ablaze- 

Four years of my last youth 

  wasted away 

On broken fucking promises 

  every fucking day, 

Rattled with the chaos of your given moods 

  any given day. 

It is delusional for you to continuously maintain 

  "That everything is okay". 

I see it now for what it is. 

  The Gaslight game. 

I do not think of you anymore; 

  instead now, I am somewhere far away. 

Diving into whatever relief I can, 

  before you come back for the day. 

I once enjoyed your essence, our spirit of play...

But as you drink your Venom in, 

I watch that love decay. 

I become a decoy, of whom you talk away...

Never mind my life, my passions, my mind, my love- 

It all seems to get in your way. 

"Just do as I say"... you bark. 

as my light fades away, 

  taking slaps and slaps across the face. 

"Just do as you say" I nod, 

  realizing 

   the love has definitely gone

as long as you continue to choose the drink; 

to choose your demons

and use them 

to batter me.