Life's Breath

Night turns, 

In one moment, 

As looks confess everything, 

And I just wish I was home, 

Being loved. 

Instead, 

I watch my surroundings; living...

And watching the living, sinning; is that not, I swear, what we do best? 

I have vowed, never to love 

As a mess again, 

Yet is it not the way I love? 

And do I simply calm all calamity in me revolved around, 

To understand Love, 

At it's secret distance? 

Because respect and love seem to go the most hand in hand, so I wait, patient now. 

Or so trying; aren't we all? 

I find my self at a 3am Dine-in. 

Escaping what I walk away from, and revelations constantly. 

I am afraid of loving someone 

Who will only be so into me. 

Who will lie. 

Who will abuse. 

Or neglect and remain distant. 

And any, and all, 

Of the above. 

You see...She...made me wait. Charmed me into hypnosis, a snake. 

Beautiful. Alluring. Alarming. Quick. 

And then there was Atom. Who lied, defacing good man's stride to what I felt I could trust at the time.

And Mr. Texas. Only sweet enough to "get this" but never called...

...no he refused to call...after months, of us playing, his game. 

You think I need another name? Another "pretend me" all the way, 'til I have nothing left in me anymore?

I do not want to love you, 

Simply because I do, 

Whoever it is, that you actually are. 

Who ever it is, 

That you actually are. 

You see, loving you, 

Will only cause in me, anguish and wait. 

Like it always has. 

I have waited for you since the day we met, 

And since them given up. 

You do not need me, when I will most certainly need you. 

You will need your space, when I will need to be understood. 

Held. 

Loved. 

Yet you being here, 

Primes me for disaster. 

I can not imagine that you will ever love me, the way that I could love you...

Yet still, I can not be apart of a world 

That holds no jewels...

Or can I...

Just to feel loved? 

I would die, only to be deceived. 

And that is why you intrege me. 

To the depths of perpetuating any securities I previously had...

and straight to the beliefs that you would never love, 

A creature like me.

See...

Creatures like me, burn and ache...

But always on our own.

Because it is not in many any a man, to battle with us, 

What we take on. 

Sure, you wear that armour, but your vulnerabilities deep- a place I'd like to be, but would you love me there? 

Could you? 

Silly thing. 

Silly thing . 

Silly thing...