The Far Away, Beat of Life

I stand, they peel. 

Peel away. 

My layers fall, and open- ignite. 

Music starts up as I feel a soft presence against my cheek; gentle lips, sweep. 

The stars rise up from the ground all around me, like firefly's... 

And all of the sudden, 

In goes: the dance is the universe around me. 

Music sweeps up....taking me in dreams to all that is awake within me. 

Day Lullabies. 

The universe is weeping and dancing 

All in one sweet, ever changing melody and drum beat. 

And sometimes, she comes to the calmest of calms; the kind right before the night sleeps only to awake to mountains ruptured like Dragons and bombs; 

One night 

Can change so much. 

Like Love and Psalms. 

Like death, and loss. 

Like the notion of a dream, or miraculous creativity. 

Steady though lay ever present, 

The music surround. 

As it dances the star's like fairys

As I fly afar, and stay. 

I am here.

Where they see me. 

But still miles and veils, 

So sound away. 

Slowly Losing Grip

When it might as well, 

Have not meant anything. 

I hear your voice, lulling me. 

You took me in, promising. 

Promising it would or wouldn't mean anything...

Refusing to tell me when...

When it would. 

When it wouldn't. 

Until I asked; until I stopped NOT wanting to know. 

You gave me chills, and now your memory, distant and cold. 

Lost out their in a wonderland. 

I feel you..

But I am not so sure you will ever feel me...

Quite like that. 

Miss you even- a good best friend...

Til I realized it might have meant nothing to you. 

I wouldn't know. 

And I couldn't. 

You never wanted to love me like that-

Won't. 

But you were a sweet growth..

A moment for me, 

Til I realized I was watering something that simply doesn't need that much. 

Over emphasized. 

Lost. 

You float in the cosmos...

And I kiss your hand slowly, 

And say goodbye. 

You may never know, 

What I had in my heart for you. 

And these tears hit my palms, 

I watch myself spill them for you- 

Barely glanced my way. 

Barely a person in my own right, 

Accept for a body in your night- 

My heart sinks. 

That, 

Was the one hard thing to accept. 

In all my giving, I'd started to see...

I was the only one. 

So I said a bittersweet goodbye, 

Before you came and swept me away, 

For one last sting. 

You will never know, all I saw in you. 

And I will never know, how you could have loved me...

Though I had longed to. 

Merely...

Merely, 

A ghost, now. 

We are only memories. 

And you choose

What you choose...

To hang to, 

Just as I do. 

I actually miss you. 

I always did, once I'd walk away; 

Once that would proceed not hearing from you. 

But life stings, as she always does, and I wipe away my tears, as I shove down the let-down 

From yet another "friend". 

"Heh", I roll my eyes to myself- "friend". 

That's a word, 

That I wished 

Had more meaning

In today's world. 

I loved you. 

It really hurt, 

You chose this. 

And now we choose this, 

Together. 

Never. 

Ever. 

You have become the night sky's; 

Never supposed to be mine. 

Teenager Again

Tuning out 

The voice of my mother, 

The face of ignorance placed in front of me, full lifetime's worth 

Of ignorance, 

I Begin to bob my head, 

Feeling the freedom 

That the smoke inhalation rests in me

As I breathe out, 

And listen beneath the headphones...

Her lips move. 

My head bobs, eyes observing the different silence; her silence..

Lips move. 

I move, 

Relaxing down 

To the chillax beat, 

Resting me; 

She stresses me

Illogical 

Illogical 

Fallacy 

I can not teach this one; 

I need a break- 

I'm learning I need a break. 

She doesn't stop talking, 

So I found my headphones. 

Doesn't stop antagonizing, 

So I found a miracle for getaway. 

A walk away. 

Can't stand her for too long. 

Something gone, and long gone. 

I suppose, reading this, could make it seem like I am the cold one. 

But it has been breathed into me, with her, 

Competitive aweful air, chasing me down in dreaming shadows forsaken.

My mother always had a way of taking without me quite being able to put words to it. I'd like to say She doesn't mean to; 

But sometimes, it's almost certain that she does. 

Like a child. 

I was wild. And free. 

And although she didn't mean to, 

I felt she's always sought to chain me. 

She doesn't mean to. 

But then I look around, 

At the sick state of affairs; 

The animals, 

The wretched plight of those tried to live in this house; 

We are enduring, 

But far from functional. 

I made it out. 

But it is sad what it is here. 

Not for her, but for us; them; 

Her kids- kitties- kittens. 

-the dogs. 

And me. 

Somehow I made it out alive...

Still somewhere in between though. 

I've got fight...

With many under treated blows.