Ever Since I Met You

It didn't make sense. 

When I "met" you; 

Interest and curiousity peaking

Through openness, and no great expectation, 

To laughter, compassion, 

Re-sponse...

To 

Understanding. 

I ruined it. 

She broke up with me, 

By breaking my heart, 

And I left her, we split...

And the thing that was left craving and vulnerably Hot and sad, 

Deeply cold, 

Wrecked, 

Was me! 

I fell on you. 

Changing things, 

In one night. 

That's all it took. 

I can't say that anything we had previous to that, 

Was anything of substance now knowing what I know of you; 

Still, it was a strange series of events. 

Strange indeed. 

Strange even until now. 

And to think ONLY YOU 

Would make so little, of everthything odd, 

I'd obsessed about since I "met you"

...since I "met you". 

So, yeah, it changed. 

It was fun and exciting at first. 

And all I remember from then, is how less and less we'd talk, you calling upon occassion...

And then you ruined it. 

The smell of hate, started to seath in the air, underneath your breath, 

And words. 

I guess maybe even, you became them a bit, those that I had loved previously; 

The women, who were good at throwing blades. 

I don't know what kept me, beyond some point. 

And I know that when "I left", it had become long overdue. 

And I know, that even though you told me some secrets, there were several more you wouldn't dare touch with me; 

And I know how much I've wanted you to. 

I know that even though I left, I'd thought about you, almost every day since. 

And I know that upon occasions, when I would open my door up to you, 

You would typically close it on my toes, 

In rants, and puffs, 

In lies 

And some sadistic form of pleasure 

Truly enjoying hurting me; 

Or hurting me back, I could never tell. 

Still, 

I have loved you. 

Faithfully and faithlessly, 

A caged bird, 

Open cage, 

But nowhere to fly. 

No; 

I can't say that it ever made much sense. 

I can say, years later, 

I think it was because 

I loved you. 

I loved you quickly. 

Saw your shady as quickly as I'd ruined our formalities; 

I didn't know the can of worms I was about to unleash. 

 

I simply did not know. 

And although you laughed, 

And I knew you would, 

I called it love, 

Because that it what I supposed it was; 

What it felt like, 

That odd sense of unknowing for so long, 

And yet longing, 

Pulling, 

Like nothing before. 

And then you ruined it. 

That's when you became good, 

With hurting. 

At hurting me. 

So I did what I was supposed to; 

Not what I wanted. 

Cuz all I wanted was to see you. 

Was to enjoy us. 

Was to stop time for us; even if just for moments. 

But you fought me, every step of the way.

And I can't make sense of what has become. 

Obsession, always a forefront with you.   

Always a back thought; 

And now, coming to realize the things you'd hidden; 

The things I'd failed to see. 

I ruined it. By loving you. 

And wanting to know you. 

You ruined it. 

By showing me, you didn't need, 

Anything I had to give; 

That in fact moreover...

YOU DIDN'T WANT it. 

I got the point, 

So I picked up, and turned around. 

And I've thought about you, 

Ever since. 

And ever since, 

I met you.