Merry -Go-Round

 

I have had to go mute. 

  To breathe in eggshells. 

  To silence my passions. 

  To thwart my joy....

      As he does in deed steal it, 

     

          Belittle, 

             Ruin it all, 

    My moments of joy...

      As if some inner turmoil can not stand, 

    A pure happiness...

      It then has to hamper. 

I have reasoned for a while now...

   Staying in this hell, 

  But as much as he aids the support of my heavy burdens, 

  How often he has stacked them higher than his ego will face. 

  He has not rendered me solutions, 

  

   But rather arguments wrapped tightly in nights of dramas and being hounded enough 

  To run away. 

His plays of sincerity are pushed for gain 

   Of my possession...

  Professing it is love, 

Whilst throwing it in my face and degregating the sacrifice and strength 

  It has taken to remain here, 

  Attempting to love, 

  Such a burdened and vile beast. 

I have asked, 

What of this is true love? 

  To be possessed so, yet rendered silent 

 

To keep a false peace? 

  To be for him what he wishes, 

While extensions of me wither under his every scrutiny, 

Each branch of my own, 

  Somehow a threat to him. 

and he fights it. 

Anything to keep me. 

If he was unhappy in this he admits it 

  Only to the extent that it serves him...

 Unhappy enough to counter my own melancholy, 

But never so much, he won't let this go? 

and even now...

He pretends the words thrown, 

  And things said, are nothing. 

  No merit. 

  Steamrolls them all, to fit the delusion it takes, 

    To possess me...

   While I cry and run...

  And caught by him in a web of words, 

Acquiescing through gaslighting and depressions 

Heavy amongst his words of chaos. 

Like a lawyer, 

Who's tongue is slick, 

And the salesman, 

With all the charm...

I again will be made fool to others by HIS account

As he in secret 

Makes such a fool of me. 

Stripping me of my dignity, 

  And only as much as I have allowed him. 

The repercussions, of which he will NEVER comprehend...

and I can see this. 

Each time him convincing himself everything is gonna be alright.

Long ago, 

Had he torched my heart...

  A memory, 

     He will never recall. 

Narcissism is not Love

 

How could I unravel the complexity? 

The choice to stay? 

Only you would understand if I told you, 

   As if we are friends...

 and face to face. 

Nonetheless, regardless of my reasons for putting up with such a malfiencient abuse...

  ...it is not in me to cage my soul, 

   for anybody. 

And tonight, I tried, as often I do...

  To tell him I am unhappy in this relationship. 

As usual, 

Only arguments are exasterbated, 

  And I would yet again go unheard. 

Every true word I have spoken, 

  Seems to have been erased by his memory holes. 

  I would become half a person....

  And he has been happy to keep me as such. 

Liquid Poetry: Love of My Life

 

  By: Erykah Badu

Liquid Poetry: Secret

        By: Maroon 5 

Liquid Poetry: Turn Your Lights Down Low

 

By: Bob Marley, Featuring Lauryn Hill

In Love & War: The Engagement

 

Oh my love... 

 Dare I say it, any of it. 

Why must you haunt me so? 

When I am holding my weeping face, 

  Why is it your name I am screaming for? 

Your fingers tips I'd give anything to grasp. 

What have you done to me, oh pieced part of my soul...

  What is it 

    That you have done? 

Upon every waken day, 

  You have ruined me. 

       Voiding this life. Voiding it all. 

What is love, we can not know. 

  For have you once put your hand 

       upon my face? 

But this that calls... 

    Beckons from depths of dreams 

 and whispering in the rains. 

This that the millions of words I have written of you, for you, 

                       Of us....

How n'er still, 

      any of them...

     They never seem to suffice of our portrayal

and of you? 

  Would I not hold your heart, 

      Against my own 

  and take away what pains I can 

     with the love I have for you? 

A long lost love that never left either of us. 

A love that haunts our waking life, 

A love that perhaps can never die 

  As it has not yet, has it? 

And of the barriers you erected so long ago, 

How I am living with them. 

He, between us, 

and I so void in my own bed...

Lost in thoughts of you, 

That long ago should have passed. 

No...I suppose you can not know

Unless in you, you are haunted just the same. 

I know what sense it makes is so little...

But if I could, 

I would 

I would throw myself into your arms

And let you stare upon my sobbing melancholy. 

I would hold your head, and speak no words 

If holding is all you need. 

It would seem as such, 

We are both miserable, my beloved. 

and I can not promise that either of us 

Would be the medicine we need...

But I do wonder, 

Everyday...

If you might love me as I need, 

Knowing I could heal your heart and hold your form 

Knowing a silence in our eyes that speaks volumes. 

Knowing the world has gotten between us. 

As have You. 

As have I. 

But is this a life, without the other, I wonder? 

For just Love, 

In all it's simplicity, 

Is often the healing we need. 

In all this time, this time between us, 

  Feeling your heaviness 

and knowing I can do nothing. 

I can do nothing, though I have longed to run to you. 

No I suppose I am not yours. 

  He thinks me his; in all his possession. 

and it has become a wall forged between you and I. 

Between sobbing hearts that tug on one another 

  in the despair of their separate lives.

But how this life has become meaningless here.

How empty the hand of his proposal had become, a man with good heart, 

But an arrogant and messy abuser. 

I often wonder, 

   If I might be just revived

       By your presence alone, my Beloved. 

For as we both hurt...

    Perhaps that does not mean, 

  We are both lost. 

I often wonder 

  If each other's love, 

   Might be the majority of the medicine we crave;

     Yet, it is unprescribed. 

What have you done to me? 

Ruined me for him. Ruined me. 

and Oh, it's melodramatic, I know. 

But is it not true? 

How could I go forward with a love for him, 

  When my heart only aches for you? 

When my soul dreams, in night and day, 

  Of just looking upon your eyes. 

You have left a void in me, 

  Where once he had a bride.