The Curse of You

 

Really, 

I am just so deeply sad. 

It's uncomfortable, 

  To sit within so much saddness, 

        Isn't it? 

To feel what hurts?

  No, I know...

     None of us want to do that. 

But aren't we forced to anyway? 

Me for example...

  I can't make the melancholy dissipate the last two days. 

  I can't shake it, 

       and I can't shake you. 

I can not shake the fears, 

   The absence of your voice. 

I can not reconcile the future from here, 

   Or pick up the phone like a fool. 

I am hurt and lonely in my world; 

  Heart curtained over. 

Crying myself again to sleep at sunrise. 

Feeling the sadness 

     Of your longed absesnce. 

And the guilt. And the shade. And the shame. 

Feeling the void 

    in my life. 

And I was suspect, of one remedy. 

   Suspect that your friendship might dose me up, 

But when I look around, I am only messing up, 

Loving one, loving two. 

Begging your heart to forgive me, 

For loving you...

For it has cursed us both. 

and we are living in it, 

Aren't we? 

I know it ebbs, but today it is. 

The madness & sadness snagging my heart, 

Pierced bait

 And Wounded. 

Still deeply wounded...

Not because of what you think...

But because I suspect 

    It's you 

           That I need. 

And I am 

    Deeply wounded still, 

         and indeed...

Over the void of you 

I have tried to fill. 

and I wonder, 

  Won't you consider

Making your way back to me? 

For  it is no thrill, 

    To fill 

   This void you have left in me. 

No...

It is a deep undoing. 

  A hardened reconciling. 

But maybe just a hug. 

  Maybe just a chance. 

While I weed my stance, 

  Upon this fork in my road. 

Which way leads home, I wonder? 

Which way, 

    To Wonderland?