Alice's Dream Wake

 

I could barely recognize your face. 

  But I knew your Demeanor; 

I was sure it was you, 

  But had to ask him-

      You looked so different. 

I knew before that though...

    As I could feel your heart

  because it broke mine 

    When you went about the day

      Only a single sentence between us two-

what seemed like merely an act of politeness, 

  Cloaked in awkwardness. 

Someone in your family was getting married. 

It was a Gala of 300 easily. 

You were busy, taking care of the party, the catering, the delegation. 

I watched you from afar, intermingled in the crowd, making friends off on my own. 

Your eyes would search for me, 

  But you said no word after the first. 

I stayed as long as I could...

But I ended up retiring early from the crowd, as everyone went on, eating. 

Apart of the bridal party, a few of us retreated...

I remember feeling my heart sink as the day went by...watching you busy and lost in the crowd of dresses and suits and children;

Trying to steward for your family. 

You were so far away....

with no intention of making your way to me; 

I watched you and observed that. 

  Eyes only 

Watching me, 

Placing me when you could

In the crowd 

And which room and where, 

I might have wandered this time. 

I finally retreated, 

  Like a runaway, 

Because my heart was breaking from not being near you, 

When you were right there. 

Watching me, 

Silence filling the space between us, 

A telepathy of clenched hearts and heavy duresses muffled 

All that was unspoken, 

Known, 

yet words faltered to pick up any of those pieces 

Or puzzle up between us, 

What has been scattered. 

and so, when, 

Finally I had to leave...

The full feeling of that duress draping me, 

I knew I had to run away. 

I could feel between us, 

You had no intention of making your way to me. 

And it broke me...

Just before I could wake up. 

And just after, 

I got to be close to you, 

If only for a moment, or a last perishable glance 

Into my long lost soul; 

That piece of me I only see in dreams, 

Where you are always there...

Yet rarely tangible by touch 

   Or communication. 

Everything between us, 

Has been a silent language of hearts...

and my dreams play tricks on me. 

They bait me with you only upon the rarest of occasions...

Yet they hardly ever let me 

Hold you. 

Be with you. 

 

They will not complete for me, 

What is not completed here...

Accept for less than a handful of times. 

Only once or twice...

Had they afforded me the glimpse that would satiate us between hearts. 

Lovers held and felt as real as any. 

One kiss. One time. 

And that was it. 

And that was it.