A Wish Far From Fair

"A Wish Far From Fair"
                  by Ariel Dresser​

I melt. And I mean, drip all over; they're gonna kick me out.
I have wilted to a way-side disposition; stepped aside to watch all my happiness's quite simply, just disappear.
I breathe, sure...tucking away every tear that well up to greet me.
I smile, but really just stay silent in my mind...turning over memories and thoughts like I'm on a search I can't refuse; search for what?

What is a face that smears?
Or one blank?
What is a map of the stars, if merely it reveals that we are stranded?
What is the spirit of a broken horse?

Sure, I can gather up the lies the make-up creates,
but how can I cover or paint something that is losing form?

I am a heaping mass of dying beauty,
no longer, from the battle I have done.
All, to win nothing accept for decency.
And that is it.

But in the process, I have exposed myself,
in what are purely indecent inscriptions, for how many will look and think,

"she is broken"?...I know I do.

Like starring at myself in the mirror every morning,
my lie is that "I can make it okay".

It keeps me going, so I can smile, and release myself from the pain that wells, amongst strangers I must repress...most days, having completely lost the point of this all...

Because it is more days than not...
where i think, "it is just not worth the Hell"...

and it isn't.
So I subside. Die another day.
Paint another sad face...and pretend everything will be okay tomorrow.

Every upon a moon...
something even helps me escape this pain...

But it is not today.
And I am seeing what it's like to live with it;
and to let it melt me.

There is nothing I want to care about anymore;
A wish Far from Fair.