For all the places I feel I have to be appropriate, this is not one. I am sick of holding these images in, these art galleries that scream of refuge and pain. I am sick of going numb to the battle wounds, feeling each time, everything's still the same. Sick of feeling disempowered, and just wondering what is is that I have to do to get the life back in me and breathing...not to be numb, and not to feel hopeless.
What triggered me tonight was her "taking away what was mine." I hated her for it...For "doing this to me again"...
I am so afraid. So afraid to fail and to start anew. So afraid to owe people, and to risk money. So afraid to pull Kyra into it...So afraid of myself. I am so afraid of what all the kharma means, and so afraid of lack of my own power and self dicipline.
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