I do not say it often,
because sometimes I wonder if I will ever be who I once was.
You deserve the best of me, but I've only had half of that to give.
My heart, I had bound up, and sheltered away...
In some far away and dark space,
where it would die the slowest death of all, however protected.
A blackness had grown in me; had spread like a mutation
and all that I used to be,
feels stripped.
Defeat took over, and cynicism became a daily reminder of choosing the wrong pair of walking shoes.
The only thing that may truly matter, I had finally seen decaying within after so many battles fought.
And finally...
like a bee over-poisoned...
I started to lose my senses.
Dazed. Confused. Delirious, I would spin out...
and maybe be lucky enough to come out of it alive.
The Poison did a number on me.
I have never since..
been the same.
I love you...
Because you are a sheltered bay
to a broken vessel
During a storm's eternity....
and should you love me at all
I may never understand why.
I gave my heart away before you came... so passionately and truly
yet you have deserved it the most,
and how unfair it must be,
to only know, it's ghost.
How unfair.
Whatever I am now,
or us...
I know deeply that only time will tell.
That "future" seems up to us; seems it can go any way.
Still I wonder,
where my heart has gone?
Crawled off, like a dying cat...
I wonder, where I can find it,
before it's too late.
The world has made me hollow-
narrowed me out.
Where Love used to team with fervor..
now remains a zombie's shallow. A fear, to let God back in.
While I have been making my way back through these woods
and this darkened day
You have taken my hand.
I'm not sure this, I will ever understand.
Not sure what a hollow girl has left to offer...
but somehow...
by my side you always remain, reaching out to take my hand...
often, silent and calm.
If you love me, I wonder...
But if not, what you give me feels like everything Love should be.
How so easily can you accept what you do not know?
and what you give is everything I have needed
for a very long time.
What does "in love" mean anymore to someone like me?
Someone holed out? Burned. Nearly...dead, inside?
I think to even love you, as I do...is a miracle.
and perhaps too...
you as well, are holding back.
Yet...
You aim to please. Truly. Surely.
And as surely as any Harbor will never move,
it will still,
always need a boat, for without,
why then,
would it be?
Whether A Boat, or Some boat,
I take shelter in thee.
You warm me.
and I'm starting to think I can believe again.
I never knew,
That was the thing I needed
the most; to believe.
We take hope for granted.
or maybe,
We don't.
