JR Korpa Photography
I went to bed loving you
the night ran in weird rewinds,
of which at some point you said, "I love you too", though it was a dream.
One of those eerie nights, with odd wakes, and unsettling arises.
awoken by a phone call, and a number I didn't want to see, like the queasy feeling of almost needing to vomit.
you cheated on her.
I don't know why that would sit with me this morning, other than that you said it last night.
perhaps, that it has been all this time, and I have been afraid to fall into the wings of your arms,
rather easier had it been to cast rocks at our wagon wheels.
Still,
when I am with you,
I might as well be flying.
Your kindness, is a grade on my life, a marker.
a fear, for my demon always hides last minute to sabotage
anything that I love...
a question mark.
It may be that I desire you to consume me; that you even would.
but what I fear is the consumption and death.
what I fear is walking across the lines we lay, and that there is a death awaiting you and I.
It is a risk. A Question. A Concern.
-a love I fear to feel.
Disappointment, a demon that taunts me.
What likelihood, that your affection, may be any different?
Will one of us use and cast the other?
Rather most truly,
if I can not be certain, I fear what I might ruin,
for you veil and blind me. No sight beyond confusion and tepid emotions
depressed by outlandish fear.
you are good. wholeheartedly. and yet something else lays in you. Perhaps some grey or dark matter that rests in the cracks of my soul as well.
Should we consume, I fear that we will ablaze.
and I love you.
and losing you is something I want,
less
and less.
It has become,
a fear now. a seed.
One, I meant to preserve.
The water now instead
has grown life.
Has slipped out of the dark blanket of soil and earth.
What now,
Am I supposed to do?
As we might love, I hold you.
It is all I can do.
It is all I want.
and becoming the more of what I long for.
What question mark in our cards
had the reading supposed?
a Flower. To be or not to be. Balloon, of risk. He loves me, he loves me not-
They had meanings.
You however,
emerged, and I do not trust what I can not know.
no longer, yet,
soften and hypnotize me you do,
on most occasions.
You do have the control.
I must, submit.
That is what I realize from, both mind and heart.
Lest I do anything, could I sabotage, and not fair, that you are reeling me in this far.
What can I do, but hold you?
Await our fate?
Let you take me and guide me blindfolded?
To do anything else, is the risk uncertainty, to push it over an edge.
I love you baby.
The edge scares me.
