I will obey the will, as not to manifest it, by Ego's Oligarchy.
I have had so much time to perch, on the bonsai of my own mind;
To dance, and flee, and bombard, and travel, and run.
I have had time on the banks of two moons, and seen so many a thing, my skin tingles with memories unknown to me.
I ask Eywa. I ask Eywa. Gaia. Mother Earth, and the hissing in my ears like high buzzing is no unexpectation. It is deciphering, that takes the time, so I
Close my eyes.
I am breathing him lately. And he is everywhere, when I close my eyes or think. I know it is love,
But has love cursed me?
Before I could ask God's forgiveness, for being so weak... Spoken back to me, was "not to"-"There is simply nothing to forgive here; not even yourself. You have glimpsed being done with this already. It is time now, to grasp your power".
I want to love him... But it almost seems that he makes me weak? But it is perhaps just illusion I chase, I can not tell.
Too much is untouched. And the cat in me pokes curiously with the crow and the fox, Deer Medicine guiding me. He...is a Wolf.
Two moons.
Long ago.
Tingling.
Calling. I close my eyes and feel you calling. Dis-coursing me, you do. As you have always done. 'Tis what I love about the Earth. The dark magick of Love- the only natural dark magick there is. Neutral, but so so jaded by man.
I am merely a woman, trying to love you, and not. Hear you calling so how can I ever let go? The only way I say, is to force you out, perhaps as you have done me. By remembering every reason you gave; one enough to despise you a lifetime.
Why then, Old Owl, have I loved you so unjustly? Unfairly? Unconditionally? With so much forgiveness?
You, are a dark magick, my Long Love...
And I am once again becoming all too aware, of what is here, really...
Between us.
The chords call. I feel you. Miss you. Hate you. Love you. In Darkness. As in Light. Neutral, Bitter, and Wise. Growing still. Leaving you, with me, and behind. Loving you into Eternity, no matter what you've done, forgiven you already. You may have smeared my name sideways and painted my face in red; but it never changed the girl you tied up, and left for dead, dear Love. You may have never seen me, but that didn't stop me from loving you, and loving you now, above all else. Really just because, something said. Call it Dark Magick. Call it Love. Or Sickness. Or Kindness. Or Compassion. Make me a fool, for loving you, and I will seek to resign that pain. For Loving you, child, has never made me weak. You...have kept me on my knees.
This is why...I will always be walking away...and towards you.
The moons beckon. I am a heathen as well..to rage, and inhalation, and you. I am a heathen too. Still, a shadow is cast where once I had my wings my love. Hell bent. We are both, just so hell bent. sometimes. I swear, I was sent here to love you. You, never leave me. But I leave you everyday. And everyday, I have said goodbye. That has been the nature we have created between us.
I am remembering now.
Remembering things I'd shut out. Remembering things long ago.
Remembering.
I love you.
I can remember and know that at the same time.
I can see how I felt then, so strong, and understands now, what of that has not gone away.
I know you today better, love you better...forgive you...even if I am afraid to.
My compassion has always put me at your feet. And on my knees. Looking up at you...in your dreams. In ours. Linked in death and sickness, and fantasy, and foresight. Linked in pleasure and pain, and a killing game. Bound. Like a curse. But a Natural One.
Love.
Love...
